Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Running to Stand Still : An Open Letter to All of You

There is something I feel I need to get off my chest. An apology, of sorts, to all I know. I hope it comes across the right way. I tend to not put my emotions into words very well. (as some of you noticed in my words post. The response to that post makes me a bit hesitant to share this but here goes!) You see, I tend to take many things in my life for granted, and unfortunately, a lot of those things are the people that are dearest to me. Believe me, it's not in any way on purpose! I don't want to seem thoughtless or careless, because nothing could be further from the truth. I don't want to be this way - I know how much it hurts me and how neglected I feel when it's done to me...

I know it is no ones fault but my own, that said - I feel the need to find out why I am this way. Could it partly be from my absolutely horrible time management skills? I always seem to have the best of intentions: bring fresh baked cookies over to our neighbors that helped jump our van last month, respond in a timely manner to e-mails, write thank you notes that are long overdue, knit a hat for one of our school teachers - 'just because', leave a comment on a blog I just read letting the writer know how much I value what s/he said, or call my brother's family to catch up... so many things I want to, no, need to do but I just never seem to find the time. As good as my intentions may be, I know they are no where near enough.

Then of course there is the utter lack of organization in my house and in my mind, too. So on the off chance I do have a few spare moments I can't remember all that it is that I wanted to do. I keep lists but then I lose the lists or the list is so long I don't even want to look at it because I know I could never do it all. Oh I could go off on a tangent about the organization issue, but that's not the point right now.

It pains me to know just how much I let you (yes, you! If you take the time to read my thoughts and words, you are one of the kind people this open letter is to!) my dear ones - fall to the side as I am running to stand still in this life of mine. I don't see it as I do it, but I notice it afterwards. What is wrong with me?! In my head I have shared my deepest gratitude with all of you and have said all the things I feel. It's as if I expect you to be able to read my mind and just know how dear you are to me and just how deeply you touch my soul. But really now, how will you ever know if I do not take the time to tell you or show you?!
When I am in the thick of things, you need to know that it's your words and kindness that get me through. Even if I am too horrible to say it or show it to you, please just know that you are in my mind and prayers - always.

Please allow me to make this right, help me change starting right here, right now (Goodness, I would beg you for advice on how to be better about this but you already help me so much, I couldn't ask for more!). Let me say I AM SO SORRY, I LOVE YOU (to my family & friends that are like family), AND THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART to anyone and everyone who may read this. If you know it or not, you have touched me in one way or another and I am forever grateful for it.

Thank you!

P.S. Remember these sweaters being worn by two other loves back in 2008/2009???

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