The *miracle* of love

"Before you were conceived I wanted you,

Before you were born I loved you,

Before you were an hour old I would die for you.

This is the miracle of love." -Maureen Hawkins

I wanted to take the time to document Baby F's birth story and even though it is very personal I also wanted to share it with all of you. His birth was quite different from his siblings. I am hoping I don't forget any details although I am sure I already have. I am trying to type it up between nursing and diaper changes so please forgive me if it doesn't make a lot of sense. It's long so you might want to grab a snack and cup of coffee, eh, maybe even a full meal. Don't say I didn't warn you!

Remember my mention of horrible back pain in my post on the night of January 24th? Well, it ends up that that was the beginning of labor and I didn't even realize it. No wonder my usual remedies couldn't take the pain away! We had a long day that Sunday and I didn't end up going to sleep until 1:00 am, after viewing the beautiful wolf moon outside. I was exhausted and ready for a good night's sleep. At 2:00 am I was woken up by my back pain and horrible pain from baby F doing his usual flips and somersaults (or so I thought). He was always more active at night and his flips always hurt so it didn't phase me. I got up on my hands and knees to help him settle in a more comfortable position and then I went back to sleep. I was woken up again around 2:30 am with same pain. I did the same thing and tried to go back to sleep. Then at 2:37 am when the pain came again I realized this wasn't baby movement pain but contractions. I grabbed a pen and the closest paper I could find and started keeping track so I would know when to call the midwife and when to wake Kevin (I wanted him to get as much rest as possible). I kept trying to go back to sleep in between contractions but they were ten minutes apart so rest wasn't really happening.

Kevin had fallen asleep in the children's room trying to get them to bed that night but then he came into our room around three or four in the morning to go back to sleep. He asked why the lamp was on and I said, "I think I am in labor." He was half asleep and responded, "You always think your in labor." and he went back to sleep with the children. We laugh about that now because he had no idea!
Around that time I paged my midwife telling her about my labor pains, still in disbelief that I was actually in labor. I kept thinking if I could just fall asleep then the pain would go away and I would have a few more days. We were still almost two weeks from his due date and my babies like to stay in as long as they can so I kept telling myself I couldn't possibly be in labor now. And the strange thing was that my water didn't break. That was always my official sign that I was in labor with my other pregnancies. My water would break, then an hour or two later my contractions would start. Just a couple hours after that I would have a baby in my arms. This was very different. It almost felt more urgent.

Then around 6:30 am I knew I needed to wake Kevin. I had him call the midwife because I was in too much pain to do so. My intuition kicked in sensing something off, so I told him something felt wrong and that we just needed to go to the birth center right away. Baby F seemed to still be sideways and he wouldn't move from that position no matter what I did. Kevin helped me in the van and gathered the sleeping children to go meet our midwife. By then my contractions were less than five minutes apart and we still had an hour's drive ahead of us. I spent most of the car ride either in prayer or talking to Baby F (in my head) asking him to wait until we got there. I prayed for strength for myself and a safe delivery for my sweet baby. Every time we turned a corner or hit a curve my contractions would get worse. Of course we had to take a detour towards the end of our drive that was nothing but curves. That was fun, let me tell you!

We finally got to our midwife around 8:00 am.  Our sleepy children were quarreling on our arrival (very understandable - not having a lot of sleep and being woken up suddenly all while excited for their baby brother to arrive) and I was trying to help them through it while my contractions were so close together that I could barely move. Kevin was able to calm down our children and get them situated in a waiting area while my midwife and her attending student midwife helped me out of the van and into my room. I told my midwife again that something felt wrong. She used a Doppler to check baby's heart rate when I had a contraction and it dropped incredibly low each time. She didn't mention her concern to me at the time though because right then, literally within minutes of our arrival, I told her I felt like I had to push. Kevin barely made it back into the room in time and I didn't even make it to the birthing tub that was prepared for me because it all happened so fast (which ended up being a very good thing, I'll explain why in a bit). Within just a few short moments Baby F arrived in this world. He had the cord wrapped around his neck and belly (from all those somersaults), meconium on him and was teeny, tiny but healthy. He was perfect. Tears filled my eyes when I saw him for the first time. My beautiful baby that I had been praying so hard for was here. Every pregnancy and birth always amazes and humbles me to know that I have been blessed to be a vessel to such a precious thing as life.

Kevin cut his cord and then they wrapped a blanket over him and had him placed skin on skin on me to help keep him warm. Without any fat on his little bones he needed all the help he could get regulating his body temperature. Because he was so small I was almost afraid of hurting him. He looked so fragile. I still kind of feel that way. As we were getting acquainted, Kevin went and asked our children to come in and meet their new brother. They were instantly in love as soon as they saw him. K and L gave him kisses but C said she would rather wait until he had a bath. L gifted his beloved hammerhead shark Lavender to Baby F and then went to eat some snacks. We had stocked up on snack food that we don't normally eat to give our little ones something different and exciting to help pass the time while I was in labor. They didn't end up getting to actually open any until after he was born though.

Once things had settled and Baby F nursed, the two of us got the chance to use the birthing tub. We had a nice warm bath together with some healing herbs. It was such a bonding moment that I will treasure, as well as a nice treat. After that our midwife asked K if she would trim his cord down a bit. K wasn't so sure about it at first but the midwife gently talked her through it. Then K asked if she could get him dressed in his first clothes. Kevin helped her out. Of course everything was huge on him since he was so tiny but they made it work. After a couple of hours of pure bliss, relaxing and check ups from the midwives we drove home.

All that week I kept thinking about his birth. My head was full of questions. Then at our ten day appointment my midwife confirmed something that had been weighing on my mind. If I didn't go into labor exactly when I did, I would probably have lost him. The reason my water didn't break when I went into labor was because I had no amniotic fluid. My midwife said it must have been slowly leaking for awhile but I didn't notice. My placenta was also calcified. That along with the cord around his neck and body was too much. She said I must have had some Divine intervention to go into labor when I did. Then I mentioned that I wished I got to the birth center sooner and she said she was glad that I didn't and that I got there at the exact moment I needed to because of Baby F's heart rate slowing down with my contractions. She said that if I was there sooner she would have sent me to the hospital. She was contemplating it when I said I had the urge to push. Divine intervention, indeed. I believe it is by God's grace alone that I sit here holding this beautiful miracle baby in my arms right now and that it something I will not forget.

The *miracle* of love

Keep Calm Craft On {crafting on}

The act of creating, in one form or another, preserves my sanity amongst the chaos of life. This explains why I always have more than one project going at a time as well as why my housework tends to fall behind. I enjoy seeing what others are working on and keeping calm with, too. What are you creating? What is keeping you going? Snap a picture or two and share it with the rest of us by leaving your link below.


The current state of my bed. There isn't much knitting or crafting going on right now, but when I am, I am working on my Tír Chonaill. I am hoping to get back out in nature for nice crisp walks soon but it's much too cold for baby so finishing this is high on my priority list. Then again I also have L's birthday coming up very soon to think about and I am hoping to knit or sew some clothing for baby F. We have nothing that fits him. Even newborn sized clothing is huge!

Oh and Happy Candlemas!

What are you working on? Happy creating!

An InLinkz Link-up

Keep Calm Craft On {crafting on}

Welcome February Sponsors (and Babymoon!)

A warm welcome to my latest sponsors:



At Sarah's Silks we believe in the magic of creative play! Our playsilks, dress-ups, canopies, and playthings are natural fiber toys that stimulate a child’s imagination and capture the magical soul that lives in young children. Children love to dress up with these beautifully dyed cloths! With an inspiring palette of playsilks, children will spend many hours exploring their limitless imaginations. Go to our web site and sign up for our emails to get a 10% off coupon in your email box a few days later! And fan us on Facebook for specials and sales news.



  Hilitos - In my shop you will find one of a kind hand knitted toys, ornaments and accessories. "Hilitos" is the Spanish word for "little thread/string" which always gives me the idea of something simple and sweet, just like what I want my stuffed animals to be. I enjoy dedicating quite a lot of time to each of my toys and try to make them lovely, unique and resistant so they can bring good fun and company. Thanks for stopping by!

{Photo courtesy of our amazing midwives taken shortly after his birth. He looks like a cute little old man. I am happy to say he is already growing into his skin and plumping up.}
I am still enjoying my babymoon and soaking up every second of newborn baby bliss, knowing that this time is so fleeting. I'll be back for Tuesday's Crafting on.

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, to all of my readers and sponsors for your support.
For affordable sponsorship with ever growing exposure please do be in touch: FarmerGOPI@yahoo.com 

Welcome February Sponsors (and Babymoon!)

On January 25th

Our sweet, tiny peanut surprised us all with his arrival on the morning of January 25th. Weighing in at a mere 5 lbs 8 oz, I am not kidding when I call him a peanut! We are both doing well and our family is completely head over heels in love. Thank you for all your well wishes!!

Love,
Nicole

On January 25th

Irrational

On Saturday I went out to clean the inside of our van in the pouring rain (because I had the energy to do it right at that moment and I knew if I had waited the motivation would be gone) only to discover mice poo in our children's car seats. *shudder* I knew mice had been coming in our van before and we believe in "live and let live" or "do no harm unless others intend you harm" so we just hoped that they would eventually go away. They have in the past. The cats find the ones that actually venture into our home and I try my best to capture the mice once they have them cornered and set them free elsewhere but it doesn't always happen. I have just come to accept that in the winter where we are currently living, mice are something we deal with. But once I got to the back of the van and saw Little L's car seat padding ripped up and his seat belt partially chewed through, I lost it. We don't exactly have extra money hanging around to buy a brand new Britax car seat and the thought of mice living in my children's car seats - especially the baby's car seat just did me in. Hey, I am hormonal right now! I came in the house explaining everything to Kevin and he didn't really have a reaction, which for whatever reason irked me. I said, "Why can't you see this like an irrational pregnant woman?" Hehe. At least I know I am irrational, right? Our current resolution is parking our van outside instead of in the garage and I poured way too much peppermint essential oil all over the inside of the van hoping to hinder the mice from coming back. So far, so good.

I spent two hours Sunday evening sewing the girls' badges on their AHG uniforms. Phew that took longer than I expected! But it made the sewing bug come back and now I want to sew some itty bitty clothing for the baby. I wonder if I'll have time. I am still not completely prepared, as one of my midwives keeps reminding me, even though I took the time to label baskets on the changing table - that counts for something, right? Even so, I am slightly hoping his arrival is sooner rather than later. As much as I don't want this pregnancy to come to an end, I just want to hold him in my arms. Plus he has been putting pressure on a nerve in my back which sends shooting pain down one of my legs. A humble reminder of how painful growing pains are in children and that I always need to take my little ones seriously when they crawl in our bed in the middle of the night wanting their legs rubbed.

Irrational

Exhaustion

I mentioned that we had an all day adventure in Boise earlier this week. Nothing too exciting just our usual errands and midwife appointment, but this time Little L got some time alone with Mama and Daddy while the girls were having fun with their AHG group. Well, apparently our day out completely exhausted Little L. He fell asleep on the way home (at around 6:30). We decided we should wake him back up before picking up the girls from their lock in (which ended at 8:00) fearing that this was a power nap and he would wake up in the middle of the night full of energy.

Kevin carried him in from the van and sat him on the counter to help me put away groceries. Instead he got down and climbed up on top of our coats on the table. I thought he was being silly but kept up with my work. A few minutes later Kevin came back in and noticed that Little L was fast asleep, sharks around him and all. The little guy was so tuckered out he just couldn't make it any longer. Surprisingly he slept in the next morning, too!

Tonight I am feeling the same way Little L did - EXHAUSTED. I spent the whole day scrubbing an reorganizing my kitchen for when the midwives come, yet it is still no where near where I want it to be (because, you know, they will totally notice those kinds of things). I guess that is what tomorrow is for! But for now - sleep.

Exhaustion

Here we go again

We made our first batch of popcorn from the strawberry popcorn we grew in our garden last summer. It's really delicious! The kernels are smaller than regular popcorn but full of so much flavor. I am wishing we had space to grow more. Maybe our next house will. In the meantime K wants to grow some sweet corn so she can snack on it right out of the garden.

I found it rather ironic that some of my prized vintage Pyrex is in the strawberry popcorn photos. You may have seen what I posted on the Facebook page on Saturday about vintage Pyrex containing high levels of lead (inside and outside each piece!). My first reaction was denial. No, it can't be! I admit I am attached to them. Pyrex was what we switched over to when we rid our house of plastic many, many years ago. But then rational thought came back over me. I know all too well the dangers of lead, as my K had high lead levels as a toddler (before our Pyrex days, though), and it is not something I will play with.

So here we go again, back to the drawing board of what to store and bake our food in - mixing bowls, too! I am thankful now that I bought a large set of All Clad stainless steel pots and pans years before I even met Kevin, so I at least have safe cooking ware. I was working part-time at Williams Sonoma then and loved using my employee discount. How on earth I managed a full-time job, full-time college and a part-time job at the time blows my mind. I can't even imagine it now. But that's another topic. Back to the matter at hand - I think I am going to look into some cast iron bake ware for our oven needs. I am researching enamel cast iron, too. We use mason jars for some food storage in the fridge but I need to find something larger for other leftovers. I would love to hear your thoughts on what you use and why. Maybe we can all help each other have safer kitchens and homes.

As for the Pyrex, it will sit high up on top of our kitchen cupboards for now. I do still love the way it looks...

Did you see those sweet little baby gifts in the photos above? *swoon* My talented friend Jackie thoughtfully surprised us with those. They brought tears to my eyes. I was just thinking about the fact that we don't really know anyone here and that this sweet baby boy won't be celebrated like his siblings were when we were surrounded by loving friends and community. Jackie reminded me otherwise. Thank you!!!

Speaking of our baby boy, I finished my nursing shawl over the weekend. I love how it turned out. Oh my did it grow! I was nervous that it would be too small but I think it came out just right. As soon as it was dry we ran outside behind our house to snap some photographs. It was pretty dark that day but I thought we could still make it work. One thing I didn't take into account was the crazy wind.  The shawl and my skirt were blowing all over the place. Oh well. We'll get better photos when the baby is actually here.

I think I am going to beg for request some blocking wires for my birthday or Christmas this year. I think that would be much better for future knits (and even to re-block this one). My sewing pin method seen above took a good 45 minutes to block with and the edge isn't as neat as I would like it to be, but sometimes we just have to make do, right?

This is actually my first time using some sort of nursing cover so we'll see how it goes. I am pretty discreet with my nursing in the first place but I thought this shawl might be helpful for church. I just want to make sure I am respectful, especially since this is a small church in a small town. I have never nursed a baby in church before as I didn't join the Catholic church until Little L was a toddler and not needing to nurse as often. This is a whole new territory for me.

Rav notes here.

Here we go again

Makings

There has been quite a flurry of making around here lately. Unmaking too, as the cat on the baby laundry pile proves. I guess we just prefer to create instead of clean. Can you blame us?

When we were in Oregon during the fall, K and I had gathered a bag full of walnuts from Walnut Hill (at our beloved school) for the purpose of dyeing yarn. I forgot about the walnuts for awhile but then found them again at the end of November. K wanted to make a dye bath immediately so we researched how to do so. We found quite a few different recipes and tutorials for making walnut dye but K and I ended up choosing the fermentation method in this book. The walnuts sat in a bucket fermenting (the book said at least 3 weeks) until last weekend when we finally opened it up and made our dye bath. It was an intense dark brown but the dye yielded a beautiful warm honey brown. I'll share photographs once it's dry.

The children has all been immensely enjoying a new part of our baking rhythm - grinding our own grain in a grain mill Grandma gave them for Christmas. Little L, especially, loves to grind the grain. I swear he could go on for hours! This wonderful gift has inspired us to grow some grains in our garden this year so we can enjoy bread truly made from our own hands from seed to finished product. How great will that be? I just hope we have enough space to grow enough for this endeavor.

And what is a post without something pregnancy/baby related (at least this month)? The children and I are also working on some baby bum bath salt (a natural remedy for diaper rashes). We made our chickweed, plantain and calendula infused oil and now just have to add the rest of the ingredients. Funny thing about our infused oil - I don't know what I was thinking but I put it outside in the sun for a solar infusion like we normally do (as indicated in this book), forgetting that the current temperatures are below freezing. My oil became solid so we brought it back inside and did a double boiler infusion instead.

I was hoping to finish up the baby bum bath salt today but when I opened the Epsom salt that I had purchased a strong smell came from it. I checked the ingredients and there was fragrance added to it. I hadn't come across that before so I never thought to check the ingredients when I picked it up. Oh well. So our salt soak is on hold a couple days longer until I can get to the store again. Now what else can I find to make whilst avoiding the laundry?

Makings