Monday, September 9, 2013

A heavy load (or slump part 2)

crabby IMG_5426 wild geranium in our backyard IMG_5645 I'll miss these flowers IMG_5505 putting in threshold pieceshelping daddy helping daddy
I came here tonight with a plan to post some fun things the little ones and I had been up to, but I just couldn't do it. My heart wasn't in it and that made me feel like a post of sweet, happy things would just make me a fraud. Now, I sit here staring at this computer screen when I really should be asleep. I have to say I miss having the time to type up posts in the morning. I do so much better then. For me, the morning is my most inspiring time of the day, filled with such hope and promise.

Do any of you remember this post? I just happened to come across it on Friday and ironically enough it's pretty much right where I am at the moment. Stuck in a slump; a moment I just can't get out of, yet also can't exactly determine the cause. I watch the days and weeks fly by me in a blur while I am still here melancholic and motionless.

This weekend didn't seem to make matters much better. Our house should already be on the market but each little thing we have to do takes days to complete. Our downstairs (that we planned on painting over the weekend) flooded from a rain storm, our dishwasher ceased to work, one of my children has been expressing an utter disdain towards me (and I am pretty sure I deserve it), and oh yeah, the real possibility of war in Syria could mean Kevin being sent far away from us.

If life was easy I would take it all for granted and wouldn't have the opportunity to grow. I know I will be thankful for these challenges and rough times a few days or weeks from now but oh, this moment, I just can't seem to move along.

This might be a good time to repost a story the girls and I love (from the book Zen Shorts) that I shared a couple of years ago and recite in my head when I am upset, preoccupied and unable to focus on the joy and beauty in the moment.

'A Heavy Load'

Two traveling monks reached a town and saw a young woman waiting to step out of her sedan chair. There were deep, muddy puddles and she couldn't step across without spoiling her silken robes. She impatiently scolded her attendants, who were burdened with heavy packages, so they could not help her across.

The younger monk walked by the young woman without speaking. But the older monk stopped and picked her up on his back, carried her across the mud and set her down on the other side. She did not thank the monk, she just shoved him out of her way and scurried by him haughtily.

As the two monks continued on their way, the younger monk was brooding and preoccupied. After a long time, unable to hold his silence, he finally spoke out. “That woman back there was very selfish and rude but you picked her up and carried her! She didn't even thank you.”

“I set the woman down hours ago,” the older monk replied. “Why are you still carrying her?”

p.s. -While we are on a trip down memory lane, please stop by a read this post, an open letter to all of you who take the time to stop by and visit me each day. Thank you!

p.p.s. - My blog format is a bit off for some reason - anyone else having this issue with blogger?

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