There is something I feel I need to get off my chest. An apology, of sorts, to all I know. I hope it comes across the right way. I tend to not put my emotions into words very well. (as some of you noticed in my words post. The response to that post makes me a bit hesitant to share this but here goes!) You see, I tend to take many things in my life for granted, and unfortunately, a lot of those things are the people that are dearest to me. Believe me, it's not in any way on purpose! I don't want to seem thoughtless or careless, because nothing could be further from the truth. I don't want to be this way - I know how much it hurts me and how neglected I feel when it's done to me...
I know it is no ones fault but my own, that said - I feel the need to find out why I am this way. Could it partly be from my absolutely horrible time management skills? I always seem to have the best of intentions: bring fresh baked cookies over to our neighbors that helped jump our van last month, respond in a timely manner to e-mails, write thank you notes that are long overdue, knit a hat for one of our school teachers - 'just because', leave a comment on a blog I just read letting the writer know how much I value what s/he said, or call my brother's family to catch up... so many things I want to, no, need to do but I just never seem to find the time. As good as my intentions may be, I know they are no where near enough.
Then of course there is the utter lack of organization in my house and in my mind, too. So on the off chance I do have a few spare moments I can't remember all that it is that I wanted to do. I keep lists but then I lose the lists or the list is so long I don't even want to look at it because I know I could never do it all. Oh I could go off on a tangent about the organization issue, but that's not the point right now.
It pains me to know just how much I let you (yes, you! If you take the time to read my thoughts and words, you are one of the kind people this open letter is to!) my dear ones - fall to the side as I am running to stand still in this life of mine. I don't see it as I do it, but I notice it afterwards. What is wrong with me?! In my head I have shared my deepest gratitude with all of you and have said all the things I feel. It's as if I expect you to be able to read my mind and just know how dear you are to me and just how deeply you touch my soul. But really now, how will you ever know if I do not take the time to tell you or show you?!
When I am in the thick of things, you need to know that it's your words and kindness that get me through. Even if I am too horrible to say it or show it to you, please just know that you are in my mind and prayers - always.
Please allow me to make this right, help me change starting right here, right now (Goodness, I would beg you for advice on how to be better about this but you already help me so much, I couldn't ask for more!). Let me say I AM SO SORRY, I LOVE YOU (to my family & friends that are like family), AND THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART to anyone and everyone who may read this. If you know it or not, you have touched me in one way or another and I am forever grateful for it.
Thank you!
P.S. Remember these sweaters being worn by two other loves back in 2008/2009???
Logging you in...
marianms 6p · 700 weeks ago
TulsiLeaf · 700 weeks ago
Lynnette · 700 weeks ago
heirloomseasons 43p · 700 weeks ago
Sometimes things get very hard, overwhelming. It seems many of us are feeling that way lately. But it is not always that way, and I'm sure we can all make it through and past the struggles we are experiencing.
It is very nice of you though to share these thoughts and love with your friends and readers.
You are a wonderful woman, mother, and friend. So thank you!
XOXOXOX
a little crafty nest · 700 weeks ago
xo Jules
Kristy · 700 weeks ago
So rather than 'all the things I need to do'... start with the 5 most important things to do today. In bold or green or whatever to prioritise them at the top of the list. Then there's a line and everything else comes under that.
People will know you care, they already do.
Debbie · 700 weeks ago
Piia · 700 weeks ago
Piia
Lucy · 700 weeks ago
Julie · 700 weeks ago
Here's my vulnerable confession: my 8 year-old wedding photos are still in a pile, undistributed, probably worsening for wear in our damp storage area. Two of the recipients have died in the meantime, a family is divorced. I fear that people would laugh at me or worse, admonish me, if I gave them the photos now. But hmm, maybe laughter is what I need in my life instead of guilt. And that would put my embarrassment out in the open which might help banish it. I thank you so much for giving me food for thought. I love your blog and want you to know that you really project gratitude and appreciation.
carrie_wwm 21p · 700 weeks ago
I don't feel like a happy or grateful person.....despite feeling happy and grateful. And then I feel the worst feeling of all.....guilt. *gulp* Sometimes I feel like being this way (for me) is a blend of my type-A personality and my non-confrontational/over-sensitive personality and you throw in my procrastination-because-of-being-overwhelmed paralysis. I also make list after list, plan after plan.....so much fun.....then......I also tend to go in fits and starts. Like Hyperbole and a Half "This Is Why I'll Never Be An Adult"....hmmmmm
The 'running to stand still' also resonates with me. I have carried this around with me for many, many years. I thought you might like to know that this is in Alice In Wonderland (rather, Through the Looking Glass), from the Red Queen, on the chess board. It found its way into evolutionary science as the Red Queen Hypothesis. I'll see if I can find the exact quote, if I can find the book in the disorganization. ;)
Blessings from afar!
~carrie~
nadjamagdalena 51p · 700 weeks ago
That is very good and noble of you, but it is unrealistic and perhaps really not necessary. First of all, as Lucy said above, your relationship with your readers may be one of warmth and friendship, but it is not love. And secondly, I am sure you do good things frequently without expecting a return for it; in all humility, you should be able to accept the kindness of others in the same spirit. The person who give you something, be it assistance, a kind word or a gift, and who expects a return for it, is truly no friend. A heartfelt "thank you", spoken, emailed or written should do in most cases--no need to bake cookies!
I have the same trouble in trying to be a thoughtful and kind wife, mother, daughter and friend, and I am constantly berating myself for not being as solicitous of others as they seem to be of me...I am trying to change this, but I realize that I can only do so much. I start by making sure that I am caring towards my real friends and relations. I keep some notecards on hand for things that really require a handwritten note. I stink at picking up the phone, probably because I am unable to have an uninterrupted conversation (6 kids, all at home 24/7) and I cannot multi-task successfully.
Anyway, you are a dear, sweet person, and your posts are always so sensitive and caring towards your readership...xoxo
jumbleberryjam 58p · 700 weeks ago
eidolons · 700 weeks ago
Linda · 700 weeks ago
Bridget · 700 weeks ago
Melanie · 700 weeks ago
Beth · 700 weeks ago
Shirley Ann · 700 weeks ago
My children are 11 and 13 now and I often feel like I have lived a lifetime trying to get it all right. As time has gone on and the frantic years of raising very young children have merged into more independant years - allowing me more time - I realise that life is full of seasons. There is much pressure (often self inflicted) to be 'perfect'. I often think that visiting a myriad of blogs adds my personal self-imposed pressures. Each beautiful lady showing talants and gifts that I admire - I want to be all of them! ;o) The truth is that this perfect woman only exists in my mind with her perfect children and perfect husband!
When you are in the season of raising small children - they are your priority. They are hard work and all consuming. Your responsiblity at this stage to to nuture them, attend to their needs, create a home where they feel safe and secure (note not a home where they need to be carefull how and where they play because it looks like it's just stepped off the pages of Southern Living). As your children get older you will find yourself with more time to bake those cookies, write those letters, remember every birthday and annerversary. The problem with that is that when you have that time it means your children have left childhood behind and are entering young adulthood. I do wish that I had appreciated those busy, chaotic and crazy years a bit more!!! Childhood is indeed fleeting - something you only fully grasp once your precious babies have left childhood!
Don't be so very hard on yourself. Remember that your life is made up of seasons. You cannot be everything to everyone. As long as you are being who you need to be in this season of your life - then you are doing just fine!
Blessings,
Shirley Ann
Nahuatl Vargas · 700 weeks ago
Well, Thank you, for your inspiring blog, it helps me go, in the hard times and in the joyful.
Love the sweaters and the snow flake pants.
Tricia(CrunchyMomma) · 700 weeks ago
thiscosylife 81p · 700 weeks ago
That said, I could have written this post myself. I feel like I'm always letting someone down, never have the time and energy to do enough. My mother actually told me once that I had so many things I'm doing but not doing any of them well. Ouch. Needless to say, that really hurt. And while I think it was pretty cold of her to say that, I do think that I (like probably every other mom) take on way too much and perhaps what I really need is to streamline and make peace with what I just can't do.
No apology needed here, just a big 'Thank you!' for everything you share with us.
Bridget · 700 weeks ago
shannon · 700 weeks ago
Jessica · 700 weeks ago
I so relate to the feeling of 1,000 things that ought to get done and feeling disorganized and a little lost. We wouldn't want you to be anyone but you.