Sunday, July 17, 2016

Judge not

summer nature table L's addition to the nature table Can you guess who added sharks to the nature table? shelter mallard shelter it really wasn't THAT cold rain one of my fav soakers paper bag fun silliness Lately I have been feeling the pull more and more to close myself up and hide myself away from this world. To become a hermit, protecting my empath heart and thin skin from the cruelty outside my home. Granted, I would never really do such a thing but the thought has been there. I am sure Baby F's dislike of any place that isn't our home (well, except the pool and being out in nature) hasn't exactly helped the matter, but I understand and accept that. He is new to this world and still learning what it's all about. I don't blame him for not wanting to go out to crowded noisy stores. I don't really like to either but every two weeks I know it must be done if we want to eat, so I venture out.

That brings me to my experience over the weekend. It was payday so we did our usual grocery shopping. Shopping is a family event for us and Kevin and I take the opportunity to get one on one time with our children as we go off to look for things. As I mentioned, Baby F does not like going shopping in the least bit. He'll tolerate it some days but usually Kevin and I take turns wearing or holding him, trying to keep him happy, while the other one shops. Well, we were near the end of our shopping and Baby F lost it. I was wearing him at the time so I took him out and tried everything within my power to comfort him and make him happy but my efforts were in vain. I was on the opposite side of the store of my family so I had to walk over to let them know that I was going to go outside with Baby F and to see if they could finish the shopping for me (there was no cell phone reception in the store, by the way, so I couldn't just call Kevin to let him know). Well, as I was walking through, lovingly holding, kissing and sweetly talking to my crying baby I received a numerous amount of dirty looks, whispers, harsh stares and judgemental eyes. So many, in fact, that I walked the rest of the way with my head down so I wouldn't make eye contact with anyone. I am not going to lie - it hurt! As if it didn't break my heart enough that my poor little guy was miserable and I couldn't calm him. I just don't understand - Why would anyone think that making someone else feel even worse would bring about good?

I feel that it is not my place to judge. I know I have been guilty of being (internally) judgemental in the past and I continue to fight that demon as many of us do. Maybe this day was a reminder of how hurtful it can be. It definitely humbled me down even more. I try to go out of my way when I see a mother struggling and give her a reassuring smile or kind words. Anything to help her through that moment because, really, we have all been there. I feel like it is the least I can do.

 My heart breaks a little for the people that went out of their way to make me feel horrible. Thankfully as I sat outside with tears in my eyes a sweet old man came up and started talking to me. He was telling me all about his ten children and how 3 of them had red hair like mine. I think that man was an angel in disguise.

On another note, some beautiful bird music to meditate on.

Yellow headed black birds:
A red winged black bird (and Baby F singing along):

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