Can you guess who added sharks to the nature table?
Lately I have been feeling the pull more and more to close myself up and hide myself away from this world. To become a hermit, protecting my empath heart and thin skin from the cruelty outside my home. Granted, I would never really do such a thing but the thought has been there. I am sure Baby F's dislike of any place that isn't our home (well, except the pool and being out in nature) hasn't exactly helped the matter, but I understand and accept that. He is new to this world and still learning what it's all about. I don't blame him for not wanting to go out to crowded noisy stores. I don't really like to either but every two weeks I know it must be done if we want to eat, so I venture out.That brings me to my experience over the weekend. It was payday so we did our usual grocery shopping. Shopping is a family event for us and Kevin and I take the opportunity to get one on one time with our children as we go off to look for things. As I mentioned, Baby F does not like going shopping in the least bit. He'll tolerate it some days but usually Kevin and I take turns wearing or holding him, trying to keep him happy, while the other one shops. Well, we were near the end of our shopping and Baby F lost it. I was wearing him at the time so I took him out and tried everything within my power to comfort him and make him happy but my efforts were in vain. I was on the opposite side of the store of my family so I had to walk over to let them know that I was going to go outside with Baby F and to see if they could finish the shopping for me (there was no cell phone reception in the store, by the way, so I couldn't just call Kevin to let him know). Well, as I was walking through, lovingly holding, kissing and sweetly talking to my crying baby I received a numerous amount of dirty looks, whispers, harsh stares and judgemental eyes. So many, in fact, that I walked the rest of the way with my head down so I wouldn't make eye contact with anyone. I am not going to lie - it hurt! As if it didn't break my heart enough that my poor little guy was miserable and I couldn't calm him. I just don't understand - Why would anyone think that making someone else feel even worse would bring about good?
I feel that it is not my place to judge. I know I have been guilty of being (internally) judgemental in the past and I continue to fight that demon as many of us do. Maybe this day was a reminder of how hurtful it can be. It definitely humbled me down even more. I try to go out of my way when I see a mother struggling and give her a reassuring smile or kind words. Anything to help her through that moment because, really, we have all been there. I feel like it is the least I can do.
My heart breaks a little for the people that went out of their way to make me feel horrible. Thankfully as I sat outside with tears in my eyes a sweet old man came up and started talking to me. He was telling me all about his ten children and how 3 of them had red hair like mine. I think that man was an angel in disguise.
On another note, some beautiful bird music to meditate on.
Yellow headed black birds:
A red winged black bird (and Baby F singing along):
Logging you in...
Michele 路 454 weeks ago
Allison 路 454 weeks ago
Chris 路 454 weeks ago
And then later the nicest thing happened...when boarding the plane, my sweet girl (still fragile from what happened before, but coping), suddenly burst into tears and screaming as we stepped onto the plane. I knelt down to comfort her, and the two flight attendants did the same thing. They told the people behind us to stand back and wait, and they gave my daughter "wings," and encouraging words, and a visit to the cockpit, where the pilots assured her they would do their best to give her a smooth ride. I was so pleasantly surprised! The flight attendants continued to check on her throughout the flight and gave her lots of encouragement and positive attention. They were my angels in the sky, and I'm so glad the old man angel came to you.
Hang in there, sweet mama. You are wonderful!
Julie 路 454 weeks ago
Cat 路 454 weeks ago
I am sorry unhappiness touched you this weekend my dear.
Ariana W 路 454 weeks ago
Carol 路 454 weeks ago
Trisha F 路 454 weeks ago
I usually smile at the parents whose kids I can tell are hungry or tired- cause I go through that with my kiddo! I smile cause I get it, I smile cause I've been there, and I smile cause I'm proud of you for being a good parent. :)
Susan 路 454 weeks ago
Then I realized there is a fundamental human need to identify:
1) Where's the crying baby?
2) Is the crying baby in trouble, or just tired/hungry/fed up?
3) Is the baby's parent okay?
It's impossible not to check! LOL
Whenever I see a parent on the bus starting to look stressed out, I wish I could tell them that 99% of the people surreptitiously staring are completely sympathetic! We're just making sure parent and child are okay. The other 1%, which might have been who you ran into, are just not terribly empathetic, I guess.
But it made me much less stressed to realize that most people are just checking that everything is okay. :)
jenlynheb 49p 路 454 weeks ago
cathymariequilts 4p 路 454 weeks ago
But I learned the greatest lesson from another Mom, in my same boat... Ask those who are staring at you to help you in some way. Most people cannot continue to be judgemental or hateful, if you have pleasantly requested their help. And those that already wanted to help, will also graciously get you that needed help.
Hey, can you push my cart and help me put my groceries away in my van, is something I've said more than once if I'm lucky enough to make it to the checkout line before the meltdown starts.
Hey, can you get a manager, I need a small quiet space for my child who is disabled.
Heck I've even asked for things I know we don't need, like I need you to find me a cool wet towel. Or water.
Also use an authoritative voice with the person you are asking for help, Sound like you fully expect that they will comply, most of these folks are bullies, and will back down when you give them the voice, and end up being nice to you....you know the voice...my 12th grade English teacher had the voice...I just try to sound like her :)
Most times they will help, I've had a few times where they just huffed off, but there have been times, it has led to my being able to educate them on autism or sensory processing disorder. You may not fall in either of those categories, but I bet the same strategies would work.
Frau Kirschkernzeit 路 454 weeks ago
Sometimes though those looks and whispering is actually not meant as mean as it might seem; I've noticed that especially in moments when really small children are crying people start feeling helpless and anxious for the child and in fact would like to help somehow but don't know how or if they could. Me too, I automatically begin looking for the source of those cries, for I want to be sure that nothing bad is happening without me noticing and helping. I also automatically try to see if the mom's fine or not (one never knows)... I am learning that the world is not as bad as I sometimes feel it is. That people are (normally) not as bad. That they mostly want to help and not to make the situation worse with any concrete reaction (maybe hence the whispering instead of speaking loud and clear?) I know though that sometimes there can be harshe comments that are neither helpful nor fair... (But I've rarely experienced those for God's sake)
Be blessed Nicole! I know you are...
Bora from Switzerland
Frau Kirschkernzeit 路 454 weeks ago
I still think of his words now and then. And of the power of his encouragement. To me he was an angel as well somehow...
Dawn 路 454 weeks ago
Also, as the mother of five children (three of them now teenagers), I learned a long time ago that I DO NOT do my grocery shopping with small children in tow. I could never completely focus on my list and the trip always lasted longer than necessary with me spending more money than intended. My husband and I took turns shopping, while the other stayed home with the kids. I exclusively breastfed, so while I had a nursing infant, he did the shopping with my list. No he didn't always buy the exact brand I wanted, unless I specified, but he we didn't starve and our days were much happier.
I saw a young mom a few weeks ago in the store, she had two toddler/preschool aged boys and a baby in the cart. The boys were off the hook in the store, running and not listening to her. She was yelling at the boys and very obviously frazzled. The more she yelled at them the less they listened to her. (In my opinion, they were simply being boys, she had a cart full to the top of groceries which tells me she had been shopping for a long time and her boys had had enough). I got into the check out line behind her and the check out lady was very impatient with this mom who was trying to pay, and keep the kids out of the candy bars. This Mom was feeling very angry and defensive by the time she left the store. When I went out to my car, she was in the parking lot, the kids were jumping around in her car while she was yelling at them and trying to load the groceries. I waited until she loaded her groceries, then I went over to her, as I approached, she glared at me very defensively as if she thought I was going to scold her. I simply said "can I take your cart to the return for you, you have your hands full today". She immediately relaxed when she realized I was trying to help her. I said "I have five children, it will get easier, I promise". She thanked me with tears in her eyes. It was a small gesture on my part, but seemed to make a big difference to her.
Emily 路 454 weeks ago
WrenX 路 454 weeks ago