Can you guess who added sharks to the nature table? Lately I have been feeling the pull more and more to close myself up and hide myself away from this world. To become a hermit, protecting my empath heart and thin skin from the cruelty outside my home. Granted, I would never really do such a thing but the thought has been there. I am sure Baby F's dislike of any place that isn't our home (well, except the pool and being out in nature) hasn't exactly helped the matter, but I understand and accept that. He is new to this world and still learning what it's all about. I don't blame him for not wanting to go out to crowded noisy stores. I don't really like to either but every two weeks I know it must be done if we want to eat, so I venture out.
That brings me to my experience over the weekend. It was payday so we did our usual grocery shopping. Shopping is a family event for us and Kevin and I take the opportunity to get one on one time with our children as we go off to look for things. As I mentioned, Baby F does not like going shopping in the least bit. He'll tolerate it some days but usually Kevin and I take turns wearing or holding him, trying to keep him happy, while the other one shops. Well, we were near the end of our shopping and Baby F lost it. I was wearing him at the time so I took him out and tried everything within my power to comfort him and make him happy but my efforts were in vain. I was on the opposite side of the store of my family so I had to walk over to let them know that I was going to go outside with Baby F and to see if they could finish the shopping for me (there was no cell phone reception in the store, by the way, so I couldn't just call Kevin to let him know). Well, as I was walking through, lovingly holding, kissing and sweetly talking to my crying baby I received a numerous amount of dirty looks, whispers, harsh stares and judgemental eyes. So many, in fact, that I walked the rest of the way with my head down so I wouldn't make eye contact with anyone. I am not going to lie - it hurt! As if it didn't break my heart enough that my poor little guy was miserable and I couldn't calm him. I just don't understand - Why would anyone think that making someone else feel even worse would bring about good?
I feel that it is not my place to judge. I know I have been guilty of being (internally) judgemental in the past and I continue to fight that demon as many of us do. Maybe this day was a reminder of how hurtful it can be. It definitely humbled me down even more. I try to go out of my way when I see a mother struggling and give her a reassuring smile or kind words. Anything to help her through that moment because, really, we have all been there. I feel like it is the least I can do.
My heart breaks a little for the people that went out of their way to make me feel horrible.
Thankfully as I sat outside with tears in my eyes a sweet old man came up and started talking to me. He was telling me all about his ten children and how 3 of them had red hair like mine. I think that man was an angel in disguise.
On another note, some beautiful bird music to meditate on.
Yellow headed black birds:
A red winged black bird (and Baby F singing along):