Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Ruiner of babies or trading love for materialism (and a first haircut!)

first haircut first haircut haircut
I planned on typing up a post dedicated to Little L's first real haircut but something weighing on my heart took over. The more I think about it, the more it weighs on me. It's actually what took place just before we took him for his haircut.

My girls were over at a neighbor's house to play for a little bit and Little L and I came over to get them so we could all get ready to leave for Little L's haircut before Kevin got home from work. I chatted with the parents a bit while the girls helped to clean up. Once they were done K picked up their middle child (about a year in age) and just started talking, playing and loving her. It was such a sweet sight. K is very maternal and picks her up all the time (but usually it's when the baby is outside alone with her five year old sister) so this wasn't anything new. But then suddenly both parents looked at them and with shock on their face they said, " No! Put her down, you are spoiling her!!!"  K and I looked at each other thinking they were joking or something but nope, they said she can not "be spoiled". I think I must have looked like a deer in headlights when I realized they were being serious. I didn't know what to do at that point. I have never come across this before, I mean I had heard of it but never experienced it first hand. I understand we all parent differently, so no judgment here, but I just can not comprehend not picking up and holding a baby (or toddler, or any child for that matter) out of fear of "spoiling" them. How does one become spoiled with the security of knowing that their parent is there for them unconditionally? K didn't want to let the baby go and seemed to hold her even tighter. I probably would have done the same, if it were me. When I mentioned all of this to my friend, she jokingly gave K the title "Ruiner of Babies"- I rather like it!

My mind started racing the next day on my run. I was thinking about how it is socially acceptable to buy a child endless amounts of toys to keep them quiet happy yet we are supposed to ration out physical love? Are we, as a society in general, trading love for materialism? Are we teaching our children to seek comfort in things rather than the warmth of a parent's arms? Can we ever be secure and confident in ourselves if our family life is/was insecure? What's your take on all of this? Is it possible I am hitting the nail on the head or perhaps I am reading into the whole "spoiling" thing too deeply and just going off on a tangent. Stranger things have happened, ahem.

As my friend Mackenzie said - hold them as much as you can while they still let you. Soon enough they will be too busy for it and you'll miss it! I couldn't agree more.

p.s. -  I have to say something about the haircut! Little L amazed me. I though for sure he wouldn't put up with someone touching his hair but he sat there ever so patiently in daddy's lap. I think it helped that the hairdresser has ten children and knew what to expect. I was hoping for more of a surfer boy haircut, but oh well - it's just hair, right? It will grow back and we can try again. I kind of miss his crazy scruffy look but I won't miss the daily struggle with mouse nests in his hair.

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