Monday, August 15, 2011

(More) Food For Thought



Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU everyone for your comments, advice and shoulders to lean on in my recent post. Wow, did I need them! I am looking into everything you suggested. I am so excited to learn more as well as try to accept that I cannot control everything. How incredibly blessed am I to have such a thoughtful community around me?! Thank you from the bottom of my heart.







The girls and I have been devouring our homemade kale chips as often as possible this summer. Thank you to Lisa for posting about them awhile back. We just add olive oil and sea salt to ours before we bake them. They are the healthy answer to my potato chip cravings. Now I wonder if I could somehow season them to taste like BBQ chips...

Sometimes, I swear, the world is tuned into my thoughts. While I was driving home without any little ones from an appointment on Friday I turned on the radio and scanned through the stations. I stopped at NPR when I heard this - a discussion on climate change and it's effects on our food availability and cost. It really got to me. It seemed to eat away at what I am already feeling while loudly reminding me of our need to get our homestead really up and running (especially if we have a big family). If you get a moment check that link out.








Notice K's caterpillar friend






Yum!

Our blackberry season has begun. For the past couple of weeks, I have been grabbing handfuls of blackberries to bring home to the girls while on my morning run. There are too many for me to grab now so the girls (and boy!) and I take daily walks to one of our wild blackberry locations. We are fortunate to have three different wild blackberry locations on our street and all three of them ripen at different times - which makes it very ideal for harvesting.

The girls each come home with a bucketful of blackberries a day. Not quite enough to make jam out of yet but just the perfect amount for snacking on and adding to yogurt. We even made an apple/blackberry pie the other day, that the girls ate up quite quickly.



Speaking of food, (well, sort of) I have something I have to get off my chest. Last Friday was my birthday,and while I was not expecting any fuss to be made over it I was hoping to at least get a Happy Birthday Mama from my sweet girlies, but I never did. When I woke up - nothing, went for a run and came home - nothing, went to my appointment and came home thinking surely by now they'll remember - nothing. Kevin left for work late that day (due to aforementioned appointment) but before he left I asked him in private, Do the girls know it's my birthday today? He said no, he didn't have the time to tell them because he was too busy. I understand how crazy and stressful his job is,and I don't blame him for not remembering but it still hurts... not that he didn't remember, I get it and I don't blame him, but that my children weren't informed. They are much too little to know what day of the week it is let alone what day there Mama's birthday is, so they need others to help them out. It's Sunday night now and still - nothing so I am trying to just let it go.
But you wanna know what my response was to all of this? I made myself a soy and dairy free (but oh so full of sugar) birthday cake with gobs of frosting and ate the entire thing myself. Yeah, I could throw up just thinking about that.Eating disorders and I are old friends. It's slippery slope, my friends,a slippery slope. I am an emotional eater for sure. That reminded me of how much I need to watch myself.

Eh, lets forget that last paragraph, shall we? I can't believe I am even admitting to that!
See you tomorrow for our weekly rhythm post!

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Comments (65)

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My husband isn't much of a holiday guy, either. It hurts when they forget or don't do anything. And I would have done the same thing with the cake!
Oh dear, I love you. And besides the universe, you and I sure are tuned in to each others thoughts. My thoughts lately have been kale chips too.
I was hoping to write back more this weekend, but gosh, I sure was busy in the kitchen! So grateful for good food from garden and farm.
It seems like we still have 100 things to talk about. More really I'm sure...
Oh, I think we are going to go wild raspberry picking soon!
And, love seeing this picture of (most of) you!
XOXOX
Happy Birthday Nicole! I understand your feeling hurt :(
Don't let yourself feel bad for a second about eating that cake!!!! And remember, every single one of us has our issues. We're only human.
I so understand your hurt... my husband's birthday is always well celebrated, and mine (only 6 days later - 7 days in a leap year, is oft overlooked). Maybe you can make a "family calendar". We get a new calendar each year and put everyone's birthday's/anniversaries in it as soon as it's opened. Kids love to see who has what going on in any particular month. :)

as for the cake/disordered eating... sadly i understand that all too well. be gentle with yourself *hugs*
1 reply · active 711 weeks ago
Hi Nicole, I said before that it's not too much to ask... but it's also okay if you tell them yourself! If you need to next year just say something like "You know what girls? It's my birthday today and I want to do something special!" and then go do something fun or make something good to eat or whatever would make you happy. It won't be long before K wants to know when your day is and wants to remember it herself.

We have a birthday calendar (ours is dutch), maybe you can add one to your home? It would be fun every month to see who's birthdays are coming up.

My dh forgets, or just doesn't care about birthdays and holidays so I can feel your pain. I always end up demanding to be taken out for dinner or something and then resent that I had to ask and it's a drag. Maybe I will just bake myself a beautiful cake this year and try to have fun :)
That's really hard, but my ex didn't remember my birthdays. I get really sad, but I better prevent it by telling my son and sweetheart thing like next week is my birthday, you remember right? And in the end I don't know if they would be able to remember without my help, but it saves me a lot of frustration.
Nonetheless, Happy Birthday to you and I would have done the same with the cake. My husband remembers but it's never anything great. Since my son is born, I learned that the only one who makes birthdays these little wonder days, are the mothers. So, I guess, we have to celebrate ourselves.

Many warm wishes and hugs from Germany.
First, I would like to wish you the best Birthday Year ever! Why? because of all the growing you are doing within yourself and what you are providing for your family.

Second, everyday is really a celebration of you from them. Your husband's business is to be expected, and your children not knowing is also. But do not wallow in any self-pity, instead, take time to realize how blessed you truly are and focus completely on that!

I have teenage sons and a disabled daughter that does not speak to me, so I have had those times when they had no clue (my boys) if it was my birthday or not. I had to learn to celebrate for myself and feel blessed in the process.

Happy Birthday again! :)

M.
2 replies · active 711 weeks ago
I try to tell my self that birthdays are really something parents celebrate out of the joy their children have brought to them, but that the whole concept of "Let's celebrate ME" is a little odd for grown-ups. Still, it hurts that my husband looks at my birthday and Mother's Day as an after-thought. My mom always remembers, though!
Oh, Nicole. I could have written that last paragraph myself. My boys are the same way. Especially the big one (i.e. my husband). Birthdays, holidays - they're just another day to him.

Here's me wishing you another wonderful year. And next year - tell the girls yourself. Make a junk mail paper chain and have them pull one every day for a week before your birthday (or anyone's birthday!). It'll be special and memorable and you may even get yourself a happy birthday hug.
1 reply · active 711 weeks ago
I'm sorry. I was hoping for a better birthday this year, too, but I still feel gloomy about almost two months later. I didn't even get my birthday books until a month later due to budget stresses. Hugs to you.
Happy Birthday to you!! I am sorry it was a bit heavy-hearted for you. I would second what others have said, and try and give your girls a nudge a day or two before. At this age they will probably be very excited to draw you a picture or make something. You don't need to make a HUGE deal out of it, but you could "let them" make you dinner or help you make a cake. When they are older they won't need so much prompting. I know my hubby gets caught up in work and gets very busy too so I have to take matters in my own hands a bit, but children are generally more than willing to make your day special. Glad you had your cake... and could eat it too. :)
I believe you share the same birthday as my daughter. I'm sorry that your birthday passed without celebration. As a single mama if I want to celebrate (have cake & homemade card) I have to tell my daughter in advance. I will remember for next year that you share a birthday with my daughter & maybe some hints for your family beforehand are in order. Lots of birthday hugs to you.
1 reply · active 711 weeks ago
Oh honey! I'm so sorry that I didn't just drive down this weekend! I would have shown you a good time!! Hugs. Hugs. Hugs. Yes, the blackberries are here...shall we pick? And, you're a runner!! Like most things in my life, "I used to be" one, too :-). Oh, if only we were neighbors. I think about the imminent need for self-sufficiency all the time...I don't know if I'll just continue rolling over and pushing it off for tomorrow, or if one day, I'll re-emerge as the energetic, optimistic runner, homesteader, healthy, happy person I once was? Of course I hope so. Still, the days are long...
1 reply · active 711 weeks ago
Happy birthday to you. Also, if you are really looking for a bbq substitute look for some smoked paprika. I always reminds me of chips at my moms house, may work on the kale.
1 reply · active 711 weeks ago
Happy Birthday!!!!! I had a major melt down on Mother's Day over some of the same issues. When you are a SAHM there isn't ANYONE telling you, 'good job' or 'excellent work today' 'I can't believe how calm you remained during that melt down!'. Nope, we don't hear that stuff, but those who work DO occasionally hear words of praise. And as a spouse, we thank and praise our husbands to show our gratitude for being at home. Birthdays and Mother's Day are the two times when we desperately need those words. The calendar and media tell us that is what should happen, and when it doesn't, it makes you feel unappreciated. We don't need the praise OFTEN, but we still need and deserve it. Just from what you post on your blog I can tell you are an excellent mama, who strives every day to make her family's life more beautiful.
1 reply · active 711 weeks ago
I am a single mom and I tell my daughter when my birthday is! I even get her supplies for card/gift making out and leave her alone to "secretly" make me something. She LOVES it, and it makes her feel really great to show me how much she loves me. I think giving your mother a gift is something that really feels good to a child, don't let your husband's thoughtlessness take that opportunity away from them. And because they don't know what day of the week it is, just tell them now! We have moved many a holiday to fit our schedule better, as long as it is in the right season, that's all they notice.
tanti auguri a te beautiful lady! I know how you feel and have to admit that on Friday I noticed it was my birthday in one month and excitedly sang a little ditty tell them so. =D Shameful maybe but when we put so much thought and attention to our family members' birthdays we just want a little for ours too.
I just barely stumbled across your blog this morning, and love the thoughtful words and photos!

One of my favorite-ever authors, Madeleine L'Engle, talked about her birthdays in one of her books. She said that she always threw herself a big dinner party for her birthday. One year, she started feeling like maybe she shouldn't be the one to go to all the effort on her birthday - like maybe she should stop constantly reminding people that it was her birthday and just let them remember it for themselves. So that year on her birthday, she didn't make plans. Didn't mention it to anyone. And EVERYONE in her family forgot! So after that, she went back to celebrating herself. ;) I've sort of tried to adopt this outlook myself since I read that. I would much rather that everyone around me remember that it's my birthday and make a big deal of me - but honestly, that doesn't usually happen. But it's still a special day to me, so dang it, I'm going to celebrate!

One last thing - I think it's important to teach our kids to honor people on their special days... which occasionally includes walking them through a proper birthday/mother's day/etc. celebration.

Anyway I will definitely be back by your lovely blog!
1 reply · active 711 weeks ago
oh, nicole, i am so sorry that your birthday wasn't filled with the celebration that it deserves. i have been quietly reading your blog for some time now, but i had to post a little something today to let you know that i'm out here thinking of you. i had a bad birthday like that last year--my husband was dealing with bad anxiety and couldn't get it together for my birthday, my family was too busy to come celebrate like they usually do, and my daughter (who was only one) was far too little to do anything about it. we ate leftovers for dinner, and i didn't receive so much as a card let alone a present. it was a lousy day, but i think it helped me realize that i need to take more accountability for my own happiness. it's important to feel valued by those who love you, but that doesn't mean that you can't value yourself too and make a special day special all on your own. i think you can (and should!) tell your girls about your birthday--they just need someone to remind them of its occurrence and it doesn't matter who does that reminding. they love you, and i'm sure they would want to celebrate with you! anyway, all that said, happy birthday to you! you are such a sweet, sensitive soul, and i hope the coming year is filled with much happiness for you.
1 reply · active 711 weeks ago
Happy birthday Nicole!
As for the cake, it sounds like a delightful treat.
I swear! The husbands are terrible at this! Well, at least yours and mine appear to be. I have given up asking for too much on my Bday, I usually get a gift or card. Husband doesn't make cakes often but he will take us all out for dinner. And I talk about it with the kids. I figure it's for us all to celebrate. build it up just like you do with your festivals and other family Birthdays. Have them make cards, likely they'll think of other things to do or make as well. I love the book, "Peter in Blueberry Land", where he goes looking for berries for his Mother's Bday. A good way to model gift giving. You could even say, Hey, Mommy's Bday is coming soon, what could you do for Mommy's Bday?! I don't see it as asking for gifts just asking for the respect and love they so want to give anyway. It models how you want Birthdays celebrated for everyone in the family.

I also talk about my Bday with my husband a week or 2 before. Hey, I get he's busy. And through the years he's gotten much better. One Bday he was working all day and evening, so I took myself out for a movie and made my fav dinner and apple pie. I did this joyfully, I truly enjoyed the time all to myself- (pre- children).

Anyway, love to you. Celebrate yourself and know your family loves and adores you!

Becca
1 reply · active 711 weeks ago
Hi Nicole, Happy Birthday. Hey just thought I should let you know I think those are actually black raspberries. I can't tell for sure from the picture but we have wild black raspberries and it looks like them to me. Delicious no matter what thought right!!
2 replies · active 711 weeks ago
you are one rockin' lady for your honesty. eating disorders affect so many of us and yet it is something so not talked about. Good for you!! I'm sorry your birthday wasn't all you wished for. My dh is also rubbish at remembering birthdays and so that is my role. I tell my kids a few days in advance because I know how much they love making and gifting. Rebe in particular goes all out and probably gets more from making my day special for me that I get out of it. Much love to you...oh and I love the picture of K 'multi-tasking' with her skuut, caterpillar and berry collecting :-)
Happy Birthday, Nicole! I'm so sorry to hear it was such a disappointment. I second the thought that you can tell your girls it's your birthday. I find mine are usually more disappointed than I am if they don't find out til later. They just love being able to do for me like I do for them. I do remember what it's like, my ex was really good about birthdays for the first few years but then stopped caring. And forget Mother's day! If it weren't for those sweet girls of mine I would just call Mother's day off all together.

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