Monday, December 30, 2013

A boy crying out for help (everyone needs compassion and love)

IMG_1637 IMG_1609 IMG_1632 IMG_1618 IMG_1612 Christmas Eve Mass The Savior is born Christmas Eve Mass IMG_1820 what more could a knitter ask for?!

Luna Grey and Green Gables Knits - I think I am in love. C and Simpkin IMG_1964
In case you are wondering what the centerpiece on our Christmas dinner platter was, check it out here.
It's truly the yummiest soy-free, vegan roast known to mankind! IMG_1967 IMG_1987 IMG_1980 IMG_1950 IMG_1940 Can't stay awake any longer (notice our boxes!)

Little L was ready to go to bed by mid-morning on Christmas. He made it through the day, though.
Oh and notice our wall of boxes in the background. IMG_1996 IMG_1995 for our feathered friends

I apologize for my absence here the past few days. My family and I have been enjoying the Christmas season that has only just begun. We started our celebrating before Christmas day this year but I think that was a nice comfort for my children. K even added some new Christmas traditions, like baking a birthday cake for Jesus. She pretty much made the whole thing herself. We used a box mix since all of our baking supplies weren't unboxed yet. That was a bad move on my part (that I should have seen coming) with the food coloring and sugar - my children went absolutely nuts. Lesson learned. In the future we will be making a homemade cake!

You see the bird seed and the bird feeders we had so much fun making (inspired by Alphabet Glue) pictured above? We had an interesting situation involving those earlier today. I happened to peek outside to see if the birds discovered our feeders on the ground and in the trees. I noted that they hadn't touched them too much yet and then got Little L in the tub for a short bath. When Little L was done with his bath (a mere 5 - 10 mins) I carried him into our bedroom to get him dressed. As I placed him on our bed I noticed a child outside our window in our front yard. He was dumping the bird seed out of our orange feeders and using a stick to take all of the seed and peanut butter off of our carrots. I stepped outside to ask him to please stop but I didn't see him. I mentioned it to Kevin and then grabbed our bucket of seed to refill the feeders. I am a bit obsessive with making sure our feathered friends consistently have food. Kevin went outside and found the boy in our backyard (outside our fence, though) trying to knock the bird seed ornaments out of our tree. The boy saw Kevin and started to walk away. Then Kevin noticed that our two large wooden feeders were knocked over and all the seed dumped out. He looked at the boy and the boy said, "Those were like that already." I was in the process of refilling the feeders in the front and the boy walked past me and said, "I don't know who did that". I didn't even ask him anything but he felt the need to flat out lie to my face (remember I saw him doing it from my window). I was totally baffled. In a non-threatening, calm voice I told him that I watched him from my window and that my children put a lot into making those for their bird friends. He didn't seem bothered by that at all, told another lie and then walked away going from house to house. I am assuming his logic for doing that was so we wouldn't know where he lived and go and tell his parents.

Kevin came back around the front of the house and asked me if something of ours was missing. I said I didn't think so but then he lead me back to the running path behind our house and there was our terracotta bird feeder smashed on the pavement. I was bewildered by this boy's behavior. Why would he purposely destroy things meant to help others and that belonged to other people? At first I was a bit upset over it all. I could tell by the looks on my girls' faces as they watched through the window that they were not too happy, either. Kevin mentioned that boys he grew up with did similar things and that it was just typical boy behavior, but I had never dealt with anything like that before. I remember young boys being a bit rowdy and crazy but not destructive.

I stopped allowing myself to be upset over it all and started looking at it through that boy's eyes and imagined my children in his shoes. This could not be typical boy behavior. I feel like this boy was crying out for help. Maybe not in the nicest, most productive manner, but in the only way he knew how. He was only around C's age and walking around our neighborhood alone. Who knows what he is going through. Maybe his mother or father is deployed right now, maybe his home life isn't the best... I mean really, what do I know? What do any of us know?

I came inside and talked to my children about what they just saw. I told them that the boy was hurting inside and didn't know how to express it (but also let them know that we should not act the way that he did and to always come and talk to us). I apologized to them for their feeders being destroyed and we made a plan to remake them tomorrow.

I decided against talking to his parents about it (at least at this time) for fear of what repercussions that boy might face but hope that maybe I will see him again (maybe not destroying our things next time though) and try to reach out to him, or at the very least show him love and kindness and let him know that the world is a good place.

Above all, every single one of us needs compassion and love.

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Comments (14)

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Oh no :( I'm so sorry that happened to your girls hard work! Such a shame when kids don't have any respect for other people's items. I hope next time you come across the little boy it will be on happier terms.
Nicole, I applaud your compassion toward this boy. You also taught your kids a valuable lesson in kindness toward others. I really hope he doesn't come back and continue being destructive, but maybe comes back and learns a little kindness of his own.
Nicole, so glad that you are able to discuss what you want your children to learn from such a situation. I agree with you that everyone needs compassion and love and sounds as if this little guy could use an extra heaping of it right now. I hope by you and your husband's actions and presence he will realize that around your house there is kindness, consistency, beautiful things that are taken care of. But until he realizes that, I would limit all the things he can access around your house to eliminate any temptations that may allow him to act out and destroy. Sadly enough, he may not have even known what a birdfeeder was and was trying to fiqure it out and once caught he was embarrassed to admit such. I will be praying for his guardian angel to help him through his feelings.
The makes me think of a quote I just came across about how children who need love the most will ask for it in the most unloving ways. Great reminder for me when working with children from various backgrounds.
We approach negative behaviour in others in the same way: we talk to our children about compassion and forgiveness. At the same time, we teach them to stand up for themselves and for what they have learned is right and good (rather than passively allowing negative behaviour in others). I imagine you inviting this little boy over to help you make your next round of bird feeders, maybe sending him home with a guide book of birds local to your area and some feeders of his own! We always have the power of choice; choosing to forgive and reach out rather than be angry can send ripples of goodness into the future! Merry Christmas to you.
((hugs)) it can be hard to see that sort of behavior and not know what to do about it. being a mom of 4 boys and we hang with a lot of boys... i am not 100% this is typical boy behavior. who knows what is going on in that boys life that makes him want to destroy things and lie about it. maybe if you see him again he will be a bit more together.
I think a lot of kids, boys especially, are in their own world and do things without even noticing, simply out of boredom or lack of a productive place to spend their energy. A small example I can think of was when I was a child--I was sitting around the kitchen idly and picked up a piece if paper and started twisting it around and around til it was more like a rope. My Mom later saw it and was very upset that I'd done it--it turned out to be an official copy of her birth certificate that recently arrived. I remember feeling very sorry, but also that I hadn't really been aware when in the act. It was just a piece of paper I picked up to busy my hands. This was before Waldorf and knitting/hand work! But I've seen boys I know these days break things just wandering around. Maybe it's simple boredom and as you say, a way to be noticed and leave a mark on the world. Love and compassion are exactly right even though you may never receive gratitude or see a change but I'm certain it will make a difference, however small.
i don't see this as "boy " behavior at all. As you said, who knows what his story is. Maybe an invitation to make some feeders with you and your kids might be just what he needs...
i wanted to add what was said above-- destructive behavior is not BOY behavior. boys are often unfairly stereotyped as having violent, rowdy, or destructive play and that is patently untrue. boys are no more destructive than girls- it's society's expectations and prejudices that make it so.
Yay a birthday cake for Jesus! So sweet...and you are right about those boys. Who knows why they did it, but the way to help them is through compassion and love, they will not expect that and loving those who persecute or do you wrong is just exactly what Jesus wants us to do. Good for you and blessings on the new feeders!
God bless you for your compassion and love. I wonder what The Lord is doing, placing your family so near this hurting little one ... it will be exciting to see how your sweet family can bring light into his days!
I think you handled this just as you should although I disagree with the assumption that the child is hurting or even suffering abuse at home. I have witnessed this kind of destructive behavior at the hands of my own sweet little boy, and I rather agree with Kevin's assessment. Little boys are a different breed and sometimes they do things just to see what it would be like to do them. Afterward, they may not know why they did it, or might feel embarrassed and lie, the way this little guy did. He might have wonderful, loving parents who believe in allowing him freedom to play outside without them hovering. You never know.
I'd just add that while we should never turn a blind eye toward suspected abuse and neglect, we shouldn't assume it when we see poor behavior, either. So many times my children have behaved poorly -- or not poorly, but happened to be in public during school hours or whatever. So many times, I have been grateful that strangers were not unkind to me. There was only one time that a stranger made an inappropriate accusation toward me and it was very painful. If you have more interactions with this little boy and his family, you might get a sense for what's going on. But for now, I think it's wisest to assume the best!
1 reply · active 586 weeks ago
So very well said, Grace. I am still trying to figure out where he lives exactly. Kevin was hanging out with our next door neighbor the other day and he mentioned to Kevin that he saw the same boy destroying decorations in another neighbors yard and planned on "disciplining him, himself". I do NOT want that to happen so I am really hoping to find his Mama and talk to her a bit. Maybe even invite them over for a meal and play. We'll see!

I am so sorry for the stranger that was unkind to you :( I think when we have hard times out in public we need love and understanding the most!

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