Thursday, August 18, 2011

Sentimental



Baby L has outgrown his sweet moses basket - not by weight or height, by any means, but due to his wiggly rolling behavior. We mostly used it for taking pictures of him, as a matter of fact, I do believe the cats got more use out of it than he did. Yet there is just something so sentimental about it. I enjoy walking past and seeing it there looking all snug and warm and cozy, waiting for a baby to be placed in it.



Many thoughts raced through my mind today as I decided it was time to pack it away - thoughts about my family, our lives and how everything feels. When I think back to my life before my children it just feels so empty now, they really make life complete for me.



Kevin tells me every now and then how he thinks about the day our home is empty and it's just the two of us. I do understand where he is coming from, we haven't had time alone together in years and I mean real time together - not doing housework, grooming the dogs or making lists for the next day - just the two of us, one on one, being able to talk without interruptions.
I, too, sometimes miss our time, yet I also love our time together as a family almost even more. I see my husband in a different way since we had little ones but it's such a deeper way, filled with even more love.



The thought of an empty home to me is scary and well, just so empty feeling.
I can not fathom no longer hearing sweet little voices singing, baby giggles, little footsteps down the hall and yes, even dealing with those messes, tantrums and interruptions (like I just had a few minutes ago as I was typing this - K woke up and needed a band aid shrug I think she dreamt she got a cut or something...) Even those moments when I am pulling my hair out (oh boy, at least once a day!) and begging Kevin to take the little ones even just for a half hour so I can have some time alone and regroup - I would take those any day over being in a home with out children.



I started thinking, too, about how our family may grow. I have always wanted a big family - will that happen for us? I guess that is not really in our hands and we will just have to wait and see.
So much to think about from just putting away a simple basket. You would think I had too much free time!

I forgot to add that Baby L has his next specialist appointment this weekend for his Horner's Syndrome. This should be a simple, non-invasive appointment but if you could think some good thoughts or say a little prayer for him we would truly appreciate it.

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Comments (21)

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oh Nicole, how you have captured my heart in your words. I too have been thinking about how our family will grow....how will I ever be ready to say goodbye to stages....and how will I ever live without the sounds of little ones filling our home. I still have awhile yet, but even the thought brings me to tears. A reminder to live each day (even the crazy ones where it seems so hard to catch my breath) to the fullest. Thank you for sharing such a beautiful post :)
1 reply · active 710 weeks ago
<3 Thank you. Sending love to you and your family!
When people see us out and say, "Wow, you've got your hands full", I always tell them that it's better than empty hands...I can imagine what I'd do with my time if I hadn't my children to care for, but mothering just has such deep purpose to it. Like a knitting project that takes 20 odd years...my mother had an "empty nest" for a mere 2 years when her first grandchild was born, and now she spends at least 2 days a week here with me; she loves the noise, busyness, and purpose of being part of her grandchildren's lives. I pray that my children will settle close enough for me to play the same role in their children's lives!
1 reply · active 710 weeks ago
Eeek! I get that comment a lot, too. I think I will use your response, it's so true!
It was just yesterday as I watched my soon to be 17yr old leave to run an errand, I realized how quickly this time will be upon my husband and I. We will always have a child with us. My daughter has Rhett Syndrome, so she will be with me until I can not longer take care of her. But the other two, well, the other two will be gone before I know it.

But it is ok. Seasons are just that, seasons. They pass. They come. And each one leaves its mark.
Oh Nicole, I know how it feels! I am getting towards the end that you are dreading and I am still not really liking the thought! While my youngest is nine and 5 out of 7 of our lovelies still live at home, it doesn't feel the same as having little ones underfoot and the prospect of more little ones to come! Yes physically it gets easier, while mentally it's harder but I will always miss the freshness of new life around me and the exuberance of very young ones. Having said that - sometimes, just sometimes, I look ahead with bright expectations and don't just feel like I"m getting old and redundant. And I am guessing that as time goes on and another chapter of my life unfolds, I will accept it and find enjoyment in being, Goddess willing, a grandmother! I'm sure in time you will too - enjoy it all as it comes!! Hugs xx
I am sentimental like that, too. When the infinite laundry and crumbs are gone, we'll be lonely again.
I know just exactly what you mean and I think men think of life differently. My husband too longs for time spent the two of us alone. I do enjoy those times but for me it more about all of us. And an empty house feels a little scary to me too.
When my husband says stuff like that, it makes me cringe. I am very sentimental of thinking about my babies growing up and leaving me. Struggles and all, I think I love being a mom more than anything in the world. It completes me wholeheartedly.

:)Lisa
I have 4 biological children and two step children> It has made for a full house! But I love each stage, it changes in unique surprising and comforting ways. We have a disabled son who will always need us in a more involved way but my two eldest are on their own now - thankfully a short commute away. We text daily ( usually several times daily!) and I really relish seeing them experience the world opening up possibilities for them. It makes me aware that the world offers the same to me as well should I care to take it up on that fact!
I cerished those baby days of blissful breastfeeding, home -birthing and homeschooling. But I am glad that I am here now. Don't be afraid of what the future may hold. It just might surprise you how great it will be too!
Oh yes. That little sweetie is often in my thoughts and prayers. As are you and your entire family. While I gave away most of our baby things, there are still some that I can't seem to part with. I am of two opposite minds when it comes to it. I desperately want another baby. At the same time, I fear it will be the death of me. I have not adjusted to life without my husband...we are still very much together and in love, but I miss our old relationship so much that it has driven me crazy. I love being one-on-one with my son, but so far our "family time" together rarely reaches the heights of pleasure and joy that I imagined it would. So how could another child possibly be a consideration? Exactly. I don't know...but, I guess I hope that somehow he/she will give our terribly out-of-balanced family another leg to stand on.
I sometimes cringe when my husband brings up the empty nest wonderings as well. I don't think that will be a bad place to be in another 15 years, but right now I very much enjoy the place we are. I can't believe my youngest is more than halfway through his fifth year! I <3 K's little note and million clippys in her hair. :)
Nicole, you totally echo how I've been feeling- I truly get sad when I think of our home empty of all that comes with small children! I hope with all my heart my children bring their children around a whole lot!
good luck with the appointment, I'll be thinking of you. <3
A lovely post -- I know what you mean! I can barely remember what my life was like before we had our son... yet I do pine for a few minutes to myself now and then. Although I rarely get them in the summertime. : )

Kelly @ Creating a Family Home
Where did you get the bassinet?! I would love to have something like that near my bed when we have a new baby! :)
I got it used...If I remember right, it was off E-Bay. The rocker part I bought new online but it was so long ago I don't remember where now :( It might come up with a google search, though. HTH!
Where did you get the fur pelt? I just received a Moses basket for my soon to be baby number two.
1 reply · active 571 weeks ago
it's a sheepskin. I think it was from Palumba.com.
Hello, it is a beautiful basket! Can I ask you where the basket and structure are from?
Thank you very much : )
1 reply · active 468 weeks ago
I got it used...If I remember right, it was off E-Bay. The rocker part I bought new online but it was so long ago I don't remember where now :( It might come up with a google search, though. HTH! __the moses mattress is an organic one from ecobaby and the sheepskin is from palumba
Where did you purchase your moses basket?

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