Reflections

School starts at the end of next week and today was our last Walnut Hill play date. It was bittersweet documenting this last play date of the summer.



The girls took off in separate directions on our arrival. Baby L and I just lounged on our picnic blanket.



Apparently my ergo is an excellent study



I started getting our lunch out as I watched C swinging on the swing. I then peeked over to see K digging for dragon tears in the sandbox.





Ack! Something has my knee





Oh, ok. It's just my Bugga Boo. He wants lunch, too. Time to nurse.



A leaf falls onto our blanket... fall really is close.



Time to walk Baby L around so he can fall asleep.
We spot some wheat growing out of place by the barn.





Let's check on our garden.



Hello, friend!



Grapes are almost ripe.





Can we please explore the train tracks?



One more (very sour) grape for the road.





K finds a random shopping chart and decides to put her bike in it.



Time to head back home. See you later, friends!

I do wish it ended that peacefully. C heard me singing our 'follow me' song and quickly followed but K on the other hand had other ideas. She has a complete and total meltdown. We went out every day this week and being outside of our home really takes it's toll on all of us. Honestly, this summer break made me realize how much my little ones and I thrive when we stay at home. I am a homebody at heart and for better or worse, I am instilling my 'homebodiness' in my children.

Anyways, back to K - she just refused to leave and as hard as I tried I could not get her to budge. She is just as stubborn as both her Mama and Daddy. The whole situation took a turn for the worse when K lost control of her body and took her anger out on C, causing her to fall off her bike (on purpose). At home I can handle these things, I still lose my mind a bit but I can handle it. Out in public, though, I become a deer in headlights and seem to forget how to parent. Does this happen to any of you, or am I just crazy? I don't know why I let myself get this way. I feel like the whole world is watching (which I know really isn't true but try getting that through my head when I am in the moment!), and the pressure just gets to me.

I didn't raise my voice to K (I try so hard not to) but I did say some things I wish I hadn't. Driving home I had the chance to reflect on the whole event. I could see myself as a child in her, I could feel the emotions raging through her and the loss of control she was going through. I realized what a fool I was for 1 - not seeing the meltdown coming and 2 - reacting the way I did. When we got home I sat with her in her room to discuss what happened. It was one of those discussions where I swear I could see deep into K's soul. She really opened up to me about why she thought she got so upset (she blamed hunger). I apologized for not being more present in that moment for her and for saying things I didn't mean. She looked up at me with big loving eyes and gave me a huge hug after I finished. Oh how blessed I am to have her here to teach me patience, and how to be a better parent/person. Please give me the strength to see and remember this the next time we are lost in the moment.

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Reflections