So, about last night...
I had so many plans, my rhythm post all envisioned in my head, lists of lists and a mini schedule all prepared. All that I needed to execute my plans was my Baby L to fall asleep.
I tried.
We started around 6:45 like we do every other night. I nursed him, and nursed him and struggled and struggled to get him down. He just simply refused to go to sleep. I became quite disgruntled looking at the clock, watching the minutes and hours tick by seeing my plans slowly slipping out of my grasp. I could only see the future and not the beautiful moment I was in. I knew Baby L could sense my frustration. Almost as if he knew I needed to get out of my thoughts he stopped nursing and looked up at me with his big eyes and grinned from ear to ear. I melted at the sight as the realization of my selfishness hit me - Where were my priorities?!
How could I let myself get so caught up in life, pushing aside and ignoring what really mattered most?
I felt low, and horrible and like the worst parent in the world. What did I choose to do? I gave in and let go. I choose not to leave my baby at all that night and to just settle in and cherish this time.
I stayed with him, not trying to get him to fall asleep (although he did need his sleep),but tickling his chubby cheeks, kissing his soft fuzzy head, soaking in every last ounce of him. I sang to him (he loves Michael Row Your Boat Ashore), he watched intently as my lips moved.He touched my mouth with his sweet little fingertips and his eyes lit up. He sang back in coos and giggles of delight. We cuddled and talked (Well, I talked). He grabbed my face and pulled it to his own to suck on my cheek and then giggled uncontrollably when I couldn't stop laughing (it tickled!). He screeched each time a kitty came near and tried with all his might to propel his body forward to get to them. He studied my face as I studied his. He would blow raspberries every time I spoke his name. As we cuddled together and fell asleep,with him in my arms, all I could think is that there is no place I would rather be. God, I am so incredibly blessed! To think I almost missed out on all of these moments - moments that go by much too fast. Every single day he grows and tomorrow he will already be different than tonight.
I need to always be this way - so in the moment. To think it really could always be this way if I just allowed myself to live in the moment instead of looking at what's ahead. Nothing could ever be more important than time spent with my children. Everything else can wait.
Cooking and cleaning can wait till tomorrow,
For babies grow up, we've learned to our sorrow.
So settle down cobwebs, dust go to sleep,
I'm nursing my baby and babies don't keep.
P.S. Stay tuned this weekend for the sewing giveaway I previously mentioned!
