Photographs totally unrelated from a family cleanup we did out in the sagebrush somewhat close to our house.This article that I posted on facebook really touched me and had me pondering family size in our society. I think all of us who happen to have more than two children had a magic number when the public comments started. Maybe it was the third baby, or perhaps the seventh. Well, apparently four is the magic number for me. It's quite comical to me because I don't consider my family large by any means. I still see us as quite small at the moment. Ask me again when we have seven, maybe. Then again the amount of food I need to cook each meal does have me feeling like a larger family some days.
The other weekend my family and I went to our local farmers market to pick up a couple of things. I wore Baby F up on me and our other three children were walking with us. I heard a woman's voice loudly say, "You know how that happens, right?" I looked around, not sure of where the voice came from or who is was spoken to. Then she repeated herself, "You know how that happens, right?" This time I saw that it was one of the vendors speaking and she was talking to me. I wasn't quite sure of how to respond to a comment like that. It actually made me giggle and I thought of a few comebacks but then I ended up just smiling shyly and saying, "yep."
I think I giggled because, since I had Baby F, it is starting to become expected that I will get some sort of comment about the size of my family when I am out and about. Most of them are sweet (lots of bigger families around these parts) but every now and then I get comments like the one above, from people that just might not fully see the gift that children are. I don't get offended but rather feel sorry that they feel that way. I would love to engage them in a conversation, show them how filled with joy I am because of my precious gifts, and let them see first hand how incredible children are. I never do, though. I worry that something inappropriate might be said by in front of my children by the commenters. Maybe one of these days, though, I can build up the courage.
What was your magic number when the comments started coming? Do you remember the first comment you received?
Since we are such a large family now *Ha, Ha* I thought I would share one of the ways we save a little money as well as help out our planet. I make our own baby wipe solution. Actually I also do this out of necessity for Baby F as his skin is very sensitive, but we did this for all of our children, as well. I just use water, essential oil and cloth wipes. Easy peasy. It is fast to make, too. You know, so you can get right back to chasing around your large brood. I bought a wipe warmer like this one (many moons ago) to keep the solution warm. I just fill it about 1/3 of the way full with water. Then I add only one drop of essential oil. For the oil, I like to rotate between Gentle Baby essential oil and lavender essential oil. You could do whatever essential oil you like but be certain it is safe for baby first, many are not! One drop is all that is needed because essential oils are very strong and a tiny bit goes a long way. Once I have my water and essential oil in I add the cloth wipes. I fill those to the top. Over a short amount if time they soak up all of the water solution. I then plug the wipe warmer in and am ready for the next diaper change. See? Super simple.
Logging you in...
sara nagy · 452 weeks ago
Ann · 452 weeks ago
Kris · 452 weeks ago
Lorna · 452 weeks ago
Yes, this is a situation that pops up. I have found that it depends on the part of the country the family is in at the time, the age of the mother, and the amount of children. I have comments about my age and number of children. There seems to be a certain age to have children. It seems that anyone past the age of 35 should not have them anymore. I even found that when I was in my early thirties, there was an age issue. If women are not suppose to have children later in life, then why do they menstrate? In a commerce society, though, it is expectable. Everything is about the money trail. However, my husband told me to look at them and say, "So, who do you think is going to pay your social security?" I was told many years ago, what is the first commandment in the bible? It is to take care of the Earth. And what is the second command in the Bible? To go forth and multiply. I was reminded that all of God's commandments and decrees, which are not suggestions, are to be upheld unto the last day when Jesus Christ finally comes again.
Thanks for the opportunity to communicate about this. It has been a topic of conversation for my husband and myself for a long time.
Melinda · 452 weeks ago
Ariana W · 452 weeks ago
Megan · 452 weeks ago
Wendi · 452 weeks ago
Over the years, I feel like the majority of people have been very kind and supportive in their reactions. There have been some snarky comments, but generally I think those people must be pretty unhappy individuals if it makes them feel better to insult a stranger, so I can cover that with grace.
Frau Kirschkernzeit · 452 weeks ago
I am the eldest of eight children by the way and I remember two or three occasions when plump comments to my large family were adressed to ME as one of those many children. That was very irritating and I felt totally ashamed- but not of my parents but rather of those people and their often dirty comments...
Jessica · 452 weeks ago
Carol · 452 weeks ago
Amy · 452 weeks ago
Sara · 452 weeks ago
heathermama7 · 452 weeks ago
Emily Zahasky · 452 weeks ago
Melissa · 452 weeks ago
Annie · 452 weeks ago
My story...3 was our "magic number," but people started sticking their noses into our reproductive choices long before then. We didn't have our first baby until our 11th year of marriage, which a whole lot of people had opinions about (and were not at all restrained in sharing them). These were some of the same people who made comments about how I "finally got my girl" after the birth of baby #3--which, hello, is incredibly insulting to boy #2. Apparently there are those who believe that the only "correct" family is one that has two children, one girl and one boy, and if you don't get it "right" after two tries, you really ought to stop altogether. They have no qualms tossing hints if you deviate from their definition of a "normal-sized" family.
Oh, and don't even get me started on the nosiness about the timing between babies--I've heard it all on that count, too.
Re/ wanting to engage the commenters in conversation: You could, but I would bet people who speak in such unfiltered terms have their minds made up. Your giggle and move along is all the response they require.
Jill · 452 weeks ago
Jessica T · 452 weeks ago
If anyone ever said that to me, I'd probably respond and say, "No, please tell me, how does it happen?" That is just who I am. My children and I would stare with wide eyes as they try to respond, I'd be very curious of the person's response, if any.
People's rude comments can be so baffling. And yes, it is sad to know these people don't know the true blessings that children are, and that they say these things without first thinking how rude it is or how it might affect you.
On the positive side, you've been given someone new to pray for.
We have one boy (15) and one girl (11). I've always desired more, but it hasn't happened and probably won't. The two we have took awhile to conceive. We've always left the number of blessings up to God and never intervened. (I have PCOS, but was not diagnosed until a few years after our last one.) I am thankful to Him though for never having to experience miscarriage or worse. I will take our two and be thankful always.
jenlynheb 49p · 452 weeks ago
In my (secular) upbringing I was taught by example of the families around me that children were a burden that keep adults from having fun and doing what they want. Sad but true. And I see this more and more in the generations close to mine...couples near our ages who put off having children because they are happy with their lives and don't want to lose their freedom. This is what secular culture teaches us. This is what Hollywood teaches us.
There are people in the world who do not value children because they were not valued as a child ... because they were shoved aside ..because they were unwanted. It is pretty well impossible to believe that children can be a blessing when, for your whole life, your family has been a curse, an obstacle, a source of pain. Some people just want to be free of the pain of family life.
It wasn't until I met my husband and was introduced to his church that I was also introduced to a new perspective on family...one that valued children, and even desired them. In blessing us with our daughter, God turned my whole world upside down and it brings tears to my eyes to think of the infinite ways my life is better because she is here with us. He certainly knows better than we do what is right for us and our families, doesn't he? ;)
Kendra · 451 weeks ago
Just wanted to add, that I love visiting your blog, seeing what you do with your children and reading your words is inspiring to me!
Alexis · 444 weeks ago