struggling

I still do adore these shoes Last week I experienced quite possibly the strangest phenomenon, at least since we left Oregon - being at home for five days in a row, three hours at a time all by myself. Well, not truly by myself as I had the company of our five cats, four dogs, fish and snail...am I forgetting anyone?! All three of my children were at vacation bible school just down the road from us. After I dropped them off the first day the house felt quiet and empty. I was excited to get some things done but I just didn't know what to do with myself. It felt so foreign to me and in all honesty, I just wanted my kiddos back! But oh the things I got done once I got past that initial shock. I split the time they were gone between homeschool planning and working on a secret surprise for their bedroom (more on that later). I planned C's school year up until January. That seemed like a good place to pause as I foresee us taking a break Jan/Feb when the baby is born. I felt pretty good planning that far ahead (last year I totally taught by the seat of my pants, not planning ahead of time at all). With perhaps too much confidence, I opened up K's fourth grade curriculum, ready to plan until January and beyond. I got about as far as a glimpse at the math and the first main lesson when I started feeling overwhelmed and panicky. I had to close it back up and walk away. I was not in the right frame of mind looking at it. I know I can't avoid it forever, but just for the moment I will pretend I can.

Somehow I keep thinking that each year of homeschooling will get easier with more experience under my belt, but each year things seem to just overwhelm me more. A lot of it stems from lack of confidence. I know I can do it and that I am meant to do it but boy will I have to work for it. I just need to remember that struggling can be a good thing and not resent it. Life is not meant to be easy peasy, we need the struggles to grow and learn. That is what I will be doing right alongside my children and really, isn't that a gift in itself?

struggling