Sunday, June 30, 2013

Keeping cool and weaning

IMG_3290 IMG_3300 He loved it (to my surprise!) IMG_3316 hi mama! Little L's corn on the cob eating style IMG_3420 IMG_3419 I remember when I discovered that our house here in Oregon didn't have air conditioning. In fact, most of the homes in our area don't, because it generally doesn't get hot here. I guess they never saw global warming coming, though. Anyways, we had just moved cross-country from hot, humid Virginia, where I lived indoors spring through autumn because I couldn't handle the heat there. I panicked thinking I would surely just melt here in the summer without my a/c. But then, year after year, summer would come and go and our little house in the dense coniferous forest would stay nice and cool...

That is until this summer! Boy, these past few days have been quite toasty. We keep finding out cats sprawled out all over our hardwood floors trying to keep cool. They'll get up, walk a few steps and then flop right back down. Our dogs are even too hot to chase them. I guess we are all feeling a bit sluggish at the moment. We've been keeping cool with endless smoothies and running in the sprinkler. We have been trying to get out of the house as much as possible, too, and took the little ones to an inflatable tiger slide they had been begging to go to. K went down quite a few times and even Little L wanted to do it (with big sister's help). He loved it, to my surprise. He's such a fearless, crazy, lovable boy. C, on the other hand, was a bit too intimidated by the whole thing. She did end up going down once in the end, though.

Speaking of my crazy boy, I would love to seek some wisdom from all of you on a topic dealing with him...night weaning. Shhhhh, I am whispering so he doesn't find out I am even thinking about this. I did child-led weaning with both of the girls and never had any issues. I expected to do the same with Little L but he nurses so differently then they did. The truth is, I haven't slept well in months, the dark circles under my eyes confirm it. I feel like my parenting is being affected as my patience has been running thin. He has been having a hard time sleeping and nurses all night long. Even though he is snuggled up next to me in bed (which I love), I just can't sleep. Plus, my milk supply has pretty much dwindled away, which makes nursing a tad bit uncomfortable. I decided it would be best for us both to go ahead and night wean...now what?! Kevin will be home more this week so we are hoping to have him put Little L to bed and then I will (try to) sleep with the girls. If that works what do I do after that? I always nurse him down to sleep. Will I have to move him out of our bed? I am not quite ready to give up the baby snuggles just yet. As you can see the whole concept of weaning is foreign to me. Any words of advice and even just prayers for us as we try to figure this all out would be so greatly appreciated!

Here's what Little L has to say about all of this weaning talk: I don't hear you!! "I don't hear you!!"

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Love that last picture. We have a 14 month old who still feeds at night, and I totally hear you on the sleep deprivation. Sometimes he can be up 4 times a night - his sister by this stage had night weaned and, for about 4 months when he was much younger he didn't feed at night at all - blissful sleep. My biggest problem is he now doesn't feed regularly every night - which means my milk supply is not there when he decides to binge; and, ouch, my nipples! Oh, and the grumps the next morning when I am totally sleep deprived and awake to toddlers full of beans.

Anyway, I will be reading with interest your other comments to see how others handle this.
I don't have any advice to offer but I am interested in what your readers have to say. I'm in the same boat in regards to night weaning. Connor is just about 19 months and is nursing throughout the night still, so I haven't really slept since Sept 2011. I was determined to let him wean himself but I need my sleep. I too have no idea what to do. That last picture is too cute!
My little guy is just about the same age as yours and I had a similar dilemma. My older daughter just weaned naturally when I was pregnant with her brother and night weaning her was a breeze but my son was a whole different matter. It took me three different tries to fully night wean him, the first two times he just was absolutely not ready so I tried to honor that. This last time though it finally took. I'll be honest, it was not the peaceful and pleasant experience I had of weaning my daughter, we had about a week of nights that were rough on him and me but we did get through it and my mama-gut could tell that this last time, while sad for him, wasn't pushing him beyond what he was ready for. The biggest advice I have is just to mentally and emotionally prep yourself to give lots of extra love and understanding while he wrestles with the frustration and sadness. Also, I told my son we could nurse again when the sun woke up and I think having that helped him a lot. We would get out of bed for that dawn nursing session so he was no longer associating the bed with nursing and it also provided a way for me to show him I am trustworthy even in the midst of a tough change. Oh, and he still sleeps in our bed with us only we all sleep now. Good luck, mama! And hopefully sweet dreams for you all soon!
I would try the book "The no-cry sleep solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. She has some good advice for things like this. I had a very similar situation with my youngest son, and I found her book very helpful without feeling like either one of us was suffering. My son would not sleep unless he was nursing. As soon as he unlatched he would wake up and cry until he latched on again. Eventually he found comfort in a soft blanket, that at times he still puts in his mouth. He still loves snuggling with mommy, but at least we can all get some sleep. Good luck. It is but a time and a season in your life, and soon it will all be behind you. Thoughts and prayers with you.
I night weaned at about 19 months due to being pregnant again and needing more sleep, I second The No Cry Sleep Solution and in the end found a really effective night weaning program by dr jay Gordon. Good luck
Good luck with the night weaning, doing it when your husband is home more sounds like a great plan. LOVE the corn eating photos!! what a cutie!
I nightweaned my youngest child a month before her second birthday because I was just so exhausted with her constantly waking me every 30minutes to an hour. I was SHOCKED when she really didn't mind being told no. I think it had just become habit. Being the third baby, she was a little more used to waiting her turn and sharing her mama than the other two were so when I told her "we can have nack in the morning. Go back to sleep." and then snuggled her(family bed), she was totally fine with it. She was still waking to be reassured back to sleep but I think it took about a week for that to slow to one or two wakings only. And then in the morning I would offer as soon as her eyes opened and make sure that I was available during the day to nurse pretty much whenever she asked so that she knew that she wasn't being shut off completely. It was a much smoother process than I anticipated.
It can be oh so hard! What helped with my oldest was to talk about it. I would talk to her during the day that she wasn't going to have any at night time (she nursed to sleep). It helped, I think, so it wasn't so much of a shock when I told her 'no.' When we cuddled in her bed and she asked, I would gently say no and offer a song or a story instead. There were certainly tears, but it wasn't too bad. Also, if he is staying in your bed, make sure you have a shirt on as that can create an extra barrier!

I'm in kind of the same position now, though. My 19 month old was doing great sleeping through most of the night (even all at times) in her own bed in the room she shares with my 4 year old. Suddenly she started waking up early in the night again (10ish), coming to our bed, and nursing all. night. long. Across my face. <sigh> I have no problem with her sleeping with us. I have no problem with her nursing. But the WHOLE night while sleeping across my face is really getting old. And tiring. Last night she made it until 2 in the morning, so when I heard her yelling "MOM," I opted to go to her bed rather than bring her to ours (hoping that will aid in the night weaning). 2 hours later I was able to very carefully sneak out of her bed. I'm pretty sure she was back in ours by 4:30 and was not pleased when I told her she couldn't nurse. I was just all nursed out. You know? Plus it's been so hot here and we don't use our a/c at night. So once again, baby across face while nursing (and pinching, because... why not?!) is just not pleasant.

Good luck! It can be so tricky to find a happy medium. :/ I hope something works very soon!!!
Back when I was nursing both the Imp and Beast, we decided I should convince the Imp (then about 3.5 years old) that he didn't need to nurse at night. I was exhausted from nursing an infant all night and his (the Imp's) latch was starting to get really uncomfortable. That's when we switched up our sleeping arrangements. B would walk the Imp to sleep and then lay him down on the twin bed in our room (which is pushed up against the king bed - both just mattresses on the floor). B would sleep between me (or the Beast - depending on which side we were nursing on) and the Imp. That way he couldn't smell me and want to nurse. It took some midnight walkings to put him back to sleep some nights, but it went much better than I thought it would.

Best of luck!
Oh, that is so hard. I realized it was time to night wean when I backed up into a giant truck at a gas station without even seeing it, I was so tired. My son was about two, and up nursing off and on all night. I started by weaning him during the day (which just seemed easier to do, since I could distract him with books, or whatnot), and then, when we were down to night feedings, I would nurse him the first time he woke up, then the second time, I would just hold him (facing away from me) and sing every song I knew (while he cried) until he fell asleep, then nurse him the third time, then sing the fourth time (approximately...it's not like I was counting in the middle of the night). Eventually he slept for longer and longer periods of time and we got down to just before bed and first thing in the morning, and I was a much happier mama. We were able to carry on like that for a few more months, until I weaned him fully. But later, when I had twins, the same technique would not work, because a) I was even more tired, b) one crying would wake the other one up, and c) it was impossible to keep track of who needed to nurse and who needed to just go to sleep. I tried sleeping in another part of the house, leaving my husband to take care of them in the night, but he has a much greater capacity to sleep through/ignore crying than I do, and I would lie awake thinking "Pick him up. Pick him up. Pick him up." I actually don't remember what I ended up doing in the end, but they're eight now, and weaned, so something must have worked! ;-) Good luck. It's not easy, but a good night's sleep is worth a lot.
I am so with you! Aurora went about a week without the 3AM feeding, but now we're back at it. I have also found my patience has been more easily exhausted lately.
I went out of town for 3 days and even though I pumped while I was away my milk production is less.
The problem at our house is that A isn't that interested in solid food if it's not straight up meat.
We don't eat meat for every meal, and she'll pick at anything else.
I have no words of wisdom, just commiseration.
Yes, definitely talk to him about it, about how he's bigger now and doesn't need to nurse all night long, can sleep at night like his sisters do. With my daughter I didn't go cold turkey - just let her know there would be a time to nurse later. Sayinig an outright "No" was very upsetting to her, but if I told her "later" she was much more ok with it! The first night she cried. I held her, cuddled, cried myself. She went back to sleep. Next time she woke, I nursed her. The next night she whimpered a little at being told later and went right back to sleep. I'd only originally planned to cut back on the night nursing, but after a few nights she was so totally ok with being told "later" that it was no big deal at all. She just started sleeping longer stretches and within a few wks was totally night weaned.
I'll say a prayer for you...weaning a toddler can be so crazy! I was going to let my oldest self-wean but had to suddenly wean her for medical reasons and I have to say...daddies are key! A daddy can make the whole process go much smoother, and I bet that'll be the case for you!
My little guy is a Feb baby too so just within a few days of yours. The difference is just with in the last few weeks he self weaned. He was nursing less and less so when he stopped my milk dried up fast. He has asked a few times since and I tell him it is all gone and let him latch on but he stops almost right away. If your milk is low I would think you'd probably dry up quickly too. Samuel still snuggles in our bed at night. So if hubby is home and willing to get him through the first few nights I'd think it will work it's way out and you'll still be able to snuggle. All pray too for a smooth loving transition. Peace and rest to you.
I weaned all three of our children when they kept me up at night to constantly nurse (they were all over two). For the first night, the toddler and I would sleep in another room so that we wouldn't wake up Papa. Each time the s/he tried to nurse, I would get up and sing and rock and comfort without nursing. It was rough and there was very little sleep involved. The second night, we would do the same thing, but there were longer periods between waking and rocking. The third night, we returned to the family bed and would wake up once or twice for a quick cuddle and rock and that was usually it!

I never felt right about handing the baby over to Papa to cry because it felt like I was withholding the breast and my comfort.
I had two voracious night nursers as well. I night weaned both of them around 15 months using this method: http://drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.ht... and we still continued co-sleeping and I continued nursing in the mornings, to sleep, and during the day. I never thought night weaning would work, but Dr. Gordon's method did work successfully with both of them and after one rough week each, we were all much, much happier and better rested. I hope you can find a good solution!
Oh I feel for you. I had the same problem with my second daughter daytime weaning was so easy she was so busy that she daytime weaned herself, But every time night rolled around it always seemed like she was trying to make up for it by nursing all night. I eventually came to the same point as you (between my lack of patience during the day and my inability to maintain a healthy weight) I just had to get some sleep! It was a rough couple of days she cried a quite a bit the first two nights but I made sure that I gave her extra snuggles in the morning and daytime and pretty soon she was sleeping like a champ (and so was I ;D ). It'll seem rough at first but stick with it and he'll get used to it pretty quick and then everyone can be enjoying their sleepytime with less interruptions.
Oh, those photos of Lucien are wonderful!
I keep the thermostat set at 80 degrees, and with the humidity, it gets pretty unpleasant in here before the AC kicks on. Thank goodness we have ceiling fans. I seem to have a recollection of placing a block of ice (frozen in a Tupperware container) in front of a fan to cool the air once in Tucson, AZ, when the humidity was too high for the evaporative cooler to give relief...
Hi Nicole, I didn't take the time to read all comments, so I'll just quickly add my thoughts. With my 5th baby, I think I finally got it right ;o) But what works for me may not be right for you, since you said you still want to sleep with him. I believe he is nursing so much because he needs his own space. You being right there is probably what is waking him up and making him think he needs to nurse. With Rayah, she slept next to me in her own little bed until 8 months old. At that time she was waking once a night and I would nurse her back to sleep. I decided it was time to move her across the hall, so I fixed a nice spot for her and put her down one night. I gently shut the door, and waited in my bed for sounds from her all night. Not a peep! She has slept well ever since and so have I. She will be 2 in September. I have never slept with my babies in my bed past the first week after birth, because I simply need my space and my sleep. But it has varied as to when I felt it was the right time to move them out of my room. It may feel scary to you to move him, but he actually might love it. Blessings to you!
I own a book called "Nursies when the sun shines" and it's awesome. My oldest was a night-nurser until I weaned him. I was pretty wiped out by the end. I set a wean date after his 2nd birthday and proceeded to slowly wean him. The first to go was that dreaded middle of the night. I steeled myself for a bit of a fight. It didnt disappoint. The first night it was about an hour of tears and anger from him, the second night was worse. It was his last stand of sorts, and it was 1.5 hours of anger. But after that he slept through the night and if he did wake would go back to sleep with snuggles. Worth the two days! Just be prepared emotionally, or else they know if you aren't sure of yourself. My second doesn't night nurse, but at 24 months shows no sign of weaning, since I can't keep a pregnancy while nursing, we have started talking about weaning. If you mainly put him to bed, you will have to do the hard part! I was gone for five days and my youngest took right back up nursing to sleep! He goes to sleep for others without nursing, but will not at all with me. Good luck!
I love the corn photos!
I'm sorry I can't offer any advice on night weaning as neither of my kids woke for night feeds after a few months old. I'm not sure why but they were hungry feeders during the day! With my son was only 10 months old my milk dried up so I know how terribly painful (physically and emotionally) it is to not have enough milk to feed your hungry child. I tried everything but he literally milked me dry! ;o)
I hope that this turns into a smooth transition for you and your worries disappear.
xoxo
~ joey ~
I can so relate to this, too, Nicole! I have always practiced child-led weaning with all five of mine. And they've all weaned at different times. But with my fifth, it seemed he might go on forever. He didn't wean completely until he was almost 3 1/2 (which was still bittersweet, even though we were both ready). Thankfully, my wonderful husband and I "team-parent," and he was a great help with the night-weaning process, and helped greatly with the transition. I really liked the No-Cry Sleep Solution book, too.

I pray you're able to get some restful sleep soon--I know how hard it can be when you're sleep-deprived.

Love,
Joy
My children weaned on their own, my Son right before his 3rd birthday and my Daughter right before her 4th. The co-slept, but after about 2 they were only weaning before bed and sleeping through the night. The only advice I can give is just do whatever feels right for your family.,
1 reply · active 617 weeks ago
Night weaning was the key for both of my kids finally sleeping through the night, at 23 months for one and, well, almost 3 years old for the other. It was hard both times, but basically what worked for us was having my husband put them to bed/attend to them at night. I slept in another room for a few nights. There was some crying, but they were safe in their papa's arms. Once they were finally sleeping through (this happened very quickly), it wasn't a problem to sleep right next to them again! My newest baby (5 months) has slept almost through the night in a crib, so it is totally different! She seems to do better in her own space. If I do bring her into bed, she is much more wakeful, wanting to nurse constantly. So I second what an above poster said about possibly needing his own space to sleep.
I haven't read through all the comments so this may have been mentioned but a friend of mine just mentioned she night weaned her two children by saying that at night the milk goes to sleep and once the sun comes up the milk (or whatever you call nursing) wakes up. She said it took about two nights of tears but that it was very gentle and both her son and daughter would say "Night night milk" before going to sleep once they understood that there really was no more nursing at night. Just thought I might mention it....

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