Frontier Dreams: Blank

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Blank

I sit here staring at this blank computer screen trying to think of something to say but words just won't come. I am too distracted and distraught. It's just pointless. All I want to do right now is just go upstairs and cuddle in bed with my Baby L - to feel his warmth, listen to his sweet (sniffly, stuffed up) breathing and watch his chest slowly go up and down with every breath he takes. Does this sound strange? It's all I can think about; to be with him and make sure he is ok...
Out of respect for the family who's world was just ripped apart I won't say much - but a beautiful angel who touched our whole community, has returned to Heaven after only being on earth a few short months. My heart breaks for them and my arms ache to go hold my own baby and cherish every. single. second. I feel so selfish for thinking this way.

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TulsiLeaf · 710 weeks ago

It's not selfish. It reminds us that nothing else matters but family and loved ones.

Peace to you and their family.

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caroline · 710 weeks ago

oh how awful, our thoughts are with you all at this terrible time.

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Crystal · 710 weeks ago

I have contemplated sharing this or not but I feel it might be ok. In January our 2 year old Charlie was called to Heaven. I don't believe that it is something you can ever get over. The only thing that gave me comfort was holding on to his older brother, snuggling him, smelling him, watching him breathe was all I could do for weeks. I don't think that wanting to be close to your baby is selfish at all. Please pass on my sincere condolences and know that you all are in my thoughts and prayers during this most difficult time.

2 replies · active 709 weeks ago

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FrontierDreams 111p · 709 weeks ago

I am so, so sorry Crystal. I am sending prayers your way, too. <3

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Crystal · 709 weeks ago

Thank you.

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Joy · 710 weeks ago

It hard. At the same time your heart is torn apart for them and you are silently grateful that it's not you. I've been there my friend. It's not selfish to want to be close to your own baby during this time. Cherish your little ones! They deserve it!

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sheila · 710 weeks ago

We were one of those families.....please cover them with your prayers.

1 reply · active 709 weeks ago

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FrontierDreams 111p · 709 weeks ago

I am so, so sorry! I am covering them, indeed (and you, too!)

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Melanie · 710 weeks ago

Oh, Nicole- much love and peace to that family! It is unthinkable! And no not selfish- hold on to your little ones and savour every moment! <3

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Healing Hillary · 710 weeks ago

I suppose I needed to cry this morning...as this brings me to tears.

What really is important anyway? When it comes down to it, not a whole lot....family and love and really not much more.

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Francesca B. · 709 weeks ago

Just do it, then, just go to baby L. I never lost a child of mine and I am grateful for this. My mum lost her baby brother but she can't really remember him, she was too young. I lost three of my students, ages 4(car crash , he died with his mum), 8(brain cancer) , 9 (brain cancer; this one was such a tragedy, because he did manage to get back to class but cancer came back and we lost it. And he was so good all through it). Surviving one's child is probably the worst thing that can happen a parent. My prayers to the family.

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Jenna · 709 weeks ago

We had something similar happen in our community two years ago...I can only imagine that the parents who have experienced the loss of their child would truly wish for the rest of us to hold onto our own babies all the more tightly. Life IS precious. That, and always cherish how that little angel touched your life. My heart ached for that family, and my tears and grief felt so...I guess selfish really is the right word...he wasn't my baby to morn. But, that Mama loved knowing that her son touched the hearts of so many. And I bet the same would be true in your case. Sending love your way so that you may pass it on. <3

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Tricia CrunchyMomma · 709 weeks ago

Nicole, In the last year I have learned that all we have is each other and that is all that is truly important or worthy of our time. You are doing exactly what you need to do. My prayers for that family and yours.

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Lauren · 709 weeks ago

Light and Love to you and your friend. (((hug)))

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Jennifer · 709 weeks ago

Peace and condolences to the family and to you. Hold your babies tight, in doing so you are remembering the angel lost by treasuring what a gift this life of ours is. May you be comforted in knowing that the little one has gone back to their guardian angel and is safe and loved and will now watch over all of you that loved them.

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Erin · 709 weeks ago

Not strange at all- that is always my reaction when I hear of the death of a child- to go hold my kids and kiss them. Condolences to everyone who is involved.

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jumbleberryjam 58p · 709 weeks ago

Dear friend. I'm so sorry to hear of your loss - an unspeakable loss. Hugging you from afar and holding their family and all families close this night.

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Ceri · 709 weeks ago

You are far from selfish to feel this way, rather you are full of love and compassion. I would not like to even start to think how I would feel if I lost my little daughter or if I knew of someone in that position. Let the love, light and warmth that this angel bought to your community shine through you and be felt by the angels family xxx

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lighteningmyload 14p · 709 weeks ago

~~far,far from selfish.When Ollie was a baby the baby in the house behind our house died of Sids.You CANNOT but help to think things about our own and how blessed we feel.I felt sooo helpless to help the mother but comforting words,an ear and a shoulder when needed where enough.And yes,i held Ollie so tight every night for weeks after

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FrontierDreams 111p · 709 weeks ago

Thank you so much everyone for your sincere, honest words here. I am forwardingall of your prayers and kindness on to them.

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Thank you for joining me here. My name is Nicole Spring AKA wife, Waldorf homeschooling Mama to four sweet little ones, homemaker of the radical kind, knitter, cook, seamstress, student of life as well as my children, crafter, girl of all trades... and always with a camera in hand to document our days so we may look back at these glorious yet exhausting times.

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