Friday, March 5, 2010
The Truth, The Whole Truth & Nothing But The Truth
What would I do without my comic relief?!
I hope this posts makes sense. My computer is acting up and keeps freezing as I try to type this. I felt the need to share one of my days this week. I normally try to keep my posts positive and share mostly those sweet moments of day to day life that I want to savour and remember always. This blog is my reminder of those times. Sometimes, when I am having a hard day, I will sit down with the girls and we'll look at the blog together, and it will remind us of all the joy in our lives.
The downside to posting this way is that it can give the impression that we have these picture perfect days everyday. I don't think I would be human if that was the case.
Wednesday was one of those days. The kind you wish you could just erase. The kind where you feel like the worst person in the world; the worst parent in the world, like you just destroyed all that is good in your children. We all have our ups and downs on any given day but this was one of those days where it was just downhill and I couldn't get myself back up.
Honestly, I have been trying to re-energize and get back to our normal rhythm after the entire month of February was wiped out for us with everyone being sick. C was so cranky and clingy the whole month, and with my husband having to work so much and be gone all day, every day, I never got a break. I think we all know we need some kind of break somewhere to maintain our sanity. I haven't really had a break since we moved here, and February was just the straw that broke the camel's back.
My patience was nearly at zero from the moment I got out of bed Wednesday, which is never a good way to start the day. It's funny, too, because the night before I had all these grand ideas of things to do with the girls all day and I couldn't wait to wake up and start them, but then I woke up on the wrong side of the bed.
I yelled, I cried, they cried. I had to lock myself in a room with our dog Nara for a couple of minutes to re-gain my sanity.(What is it about being around animals that is just so calming?) I apologized about a million times for our horrible day. I couldn't shake it and couldn't wait for it to be over to start over the next day.
Thank the Heavens, Thursday was nothing like Wednesday.
I thought I would take this opportunity to share a Zen Buddhist story (the same I shared with Pia last month) that I recite in my head when I am upset, preoccupied and unable to focus on the joy and beauty in the moment.
'A Heavy Load'
Two traveling monks reached a town and saw a young woman waiting to step out of her sedan chair. There were deep, muddy puddles and she couldn't’t step across without spoiling her silken robes. She impatiently scolded her attendants, who were burdened with heavy packages, so they could not help her across.
The younger monk walked by the young woman without speaking. But the older monk stopped and picked her up on his back, carried her across the mud and set her down on the other side. She did not thank the monk, she just shoved him out of her way and scurried by him haughtily.
As the two monks continued on their way, the younger monk was brooding and preoccupied. After a long time, unable to hold his silence, he finally spoke out. “That woman back there was very selfish and rude but you picked her up and carried her! She didn't even thank you.”
“I set the woman down hours ago,” the older monk replied. “Why are you still carrying her?”
Thank you everyone for just being here with me in this little space.
Wishing you all a wonderful weekend!!