Friday, March 5, 2010

The Truth, The Whole Truth & Nothing But The Truth


What would I do without my comic relief?!

I hope this posts makes sense. My computer is acting up and keeps freezing as I try to type this. I felt the need to share one of my days this week. I normally try to keep my posts positive and share mostly those sweet moments of day to day life that I want to savour and remember always. This blog is my reminder of those times. Sometimes, when I am having a hard day, I will sit down with the girls and we'll look at the blog together, and it will remind us of all the joy in our lives.
The downside to posting this way is that it can give the impression that we have these picture perfect days everyday. I don't think I would be human if that was the case.

Wednesday was one of those days. The kind you wish you could just erase. The kind where you feel like the worst person in the world; the worst parent in the world, like you just destroyed all that is good in your children. We all have our ups and downs on any given day but this was one of those days where it was just downhill and I couldn't get myself back up.

Honestly, I have been trying to re-energize and get back to our normal rhythm after the entire month of February was wiped out for us with everyone being sick. C was so cranky and clingy the whole month, and with my husband having to work so much and be gone all day, every day, I never got a break. I think we all know we need some kind of break somewhere to maintain our sanity. I haven't really had a break since we moved here, and February was just the straw that broke the camel's back.

My patience was nearly at zero from the moment I got out of bed Wednesday, which is never a good way to start the day. It's funny, too, because the night before I had all these grand ideas of things to do with the girls all day and I couldn't wait to wake up and start them, but then I woke up on the wrong side of the bed.
I yelled, I cried, they cried. I had to lock myself in a room with our dog Nara for a couple of minutes to re-gain my sanity.(What is it about being around animals that is just so calming?) I apologized about a million times for our horrible day. I couldn't shake it and couldn't wait for it to be over to start over the next day.


Nara Gnome

Thank the Heavens, Thursday was nothing like Wednesday.

I thought I would take this opportunity to share a Zen Buddhist story (the same I shared with Pia last month) that I recite in my head when I am upset, preoccupied and unable to focus on the joy and beauty in the moment.

'A Heavy Load'

Two traveling monks reached a town and saw a young woman waiting to step out of her sedan chair. There were deep, muddy puddles and she couldn't’t step across without spoiling her silken robes. She impatiently scolded her attendants, who were burdened with heavy packages, so they could not help her across.

The younger monk walked by the young woman without speaking. But the older monk stopped and picked her up on his back, carried her across the mud and set her down on the other side. She did not thank the monk, she just shoved him out of her way and scurried by him haughtily.

As the two monks continued on their way, the younger monk was brooding and preoccupied. After a long time, unable to hold his silence, he finally spoke out. “That woman back there was very selfish and rude but you picked her up and carried her! She didn't even thank you.”

“I set the woman down hours ago,” the older monk replied. “Why are you still carrying her?”



Thank you everyone for just being here with me in this little space.
Wishing you all a wonderful weekend!!

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45 comments:

Mari-Ann said...

I have those days more often than I care to admit. It's so important to get those breaks yet they are hard to come by.
I love that story of the two monks - it also appears in the children's book, Zen Shorts. It always strikes a cord with me - such an important reminder.

boatbaby said...

We tell that story in our home ALL the time. As a little reminder, Zach and I will simply say to each other, "why are you still carrtying that woman?" So important!
And Nara -- oh I want to hug her through the screen. I LOVE german sherpherds! She is gorgeous, esp in the gnome hat.

Annie@Imagination said...

Thank you for sharing this post and that Zen Buddhist story... I'm going to keep that to read it again (and again i'm sure!)

I don't blog about those moments either -- but goodness knows we all have them... hugs!

Jenna said...

Those pictures...I am still giggling! Thank you for putting a smile on my face this morning.
With the combination of that story and Naragnome I can't imagine the sun not breaking through my next cloudy moment (locked in my bathroom)!
Oh yes, we've all been there!
Sweet blessings to you!!!

Kelly and Kelly said...

It's kind of nice to know everyone has those moments, those days, that send us reeling and questioning everything. I'm glad your week picked up from there though.

Joy said...

I'm sorry you had a rough day, Nicole, and I'm glad yesterday was better. That was a lovely story that I'll have to keep in mind when I'm stewing about something. Thanks for your positive outlook following a not-so-positive experience. ((hugs))

cat said...

perfect story...thanks for sharing that. i've had many a day like that where i just feel like i've lost all that i work hard to maintain. but the reality is that tomorrow is another day and in the words of our dear friend d'anne, "just do the next right thing." i'll never forget those words she gave all of us on the tree one day when it seemed we were all having one of "those" days...

goes along with the story. just let it go and do the next right thing...the foundation is already set and it's positive. no one is perfect and everyone has ugly moments...if you way you don't, then i say you are lying..haha!

thank you for the reminder that we are all human and sometimes just need to let it go...

xoxo

healing hillary said...

glad to know I am among humans!

Earth Mama said...

I think there must have been something up with Wednsday, becuae I too struggled on this particular day. Thanks for sharing this story. It really hits home in a deep way. Things will always "go wrong" in our lives, but it's up to us in deciding how to see it and when to let go. Thanks for the reminder.

:)Lisa

Julia said...

What a great post... I have been there and then some.

I have struggled with this honesty issue as well...here is the link(http://www.adirondack-mama.com/2010/01/glimpses.html)

I know what you mean about keeping this space positive, I try to do that as well. But in truth, I love to read posts like this...it makes me feel ever so much more normal.

Thank you for this.

meredith said...

those days are so hard--not just the events of the day itself, but also (and especially!) the disappointment in yourself. i'm starting to realize, though, that i learn a lot from those days about who i am and the kind of parent i want to be. they help me resolve to do better. thanks for sharing the zen story--i resonate with that one too.

Ally said...

Thank you for sharing your day. It's nice to know that we all have those days. Hope your weekend is wonderful!

Jackie@Lilolu said...

That is one of my very favorite zen story. I'm glad things are better and I hope it stays that way for a while.

lyneya said...

:( Good to hear your week picked up! And you can see---people like to know you're human too. The ability to edit in blogs is so tempting. We all do it! But once in a while, it's nice to be able to see a glimpe of not perfect. Because we all have those days. When I do, I apologize to my son and talk about why I was grumpy and why he was grumpy and we move on. If nothing else, he's going to know I'm human, that I can apologize for mistakes, that I strive to do better, and that the rules apply to adults too! That's an important lesson to learn -- or so I keep telling myself when those days sneak in!!!

Heather said...

Those days can really sneak up on us. I try and remember stories and quotes as I try and navigate my way through, and I so appreciate the story that you have shared here.

The dog is that hat is one of the best photos I have seen in a while. There is no way that you can not smile through that. Happy weekend

momma rae said...

thanks for keeping it real, nicole. i started blogging so that i could focus on the beautiful and positive things happening in our lives, but you are right, it can give an inaccurate representation of our overall mothering journey. we ALL have those days!! sometimes, more frequent than not. thanks for being brave enough to share! i love the little monk story.

Julie said...

What a great story. We've been having those does all week.

Rose said...

Ohhhh. Yes. I've had those kind of days. We've had a couple this week. I have been sick with a cold and sinus infection this week and I'm finding it hard to be my chipper self when my head is absolutely pounding. All I can do is apologize and try to get enough rest so I can heal myself. It's hard when you feel like you are doing this mothering thing all alone. Hope you can get some time for yourself this weekend.

Anonymous said...

Ilove that story...I must remember it the next time I spend far too much time brooding over my or other peoples wrongdoings. Thank you

*Michelle* said...

Thank you Nicole. Your honesty is refreshing.

La Chili said...

Thanks for the story, and I send you warm toughts from Mexico, I have days like that too, thank God you can realize it's just one day and you can change things and apologize with your little ones.

Karah said...

I have those days and I know my parents must have had those days too. Honestly though I don't remember them. I just remember the fun we used to have the camping, playing outside with my siblings and going to the beach. Kids don't remember the bad days.
It just gives us empathy for when our littles wake up on the wrong side of the bed :)

Kindermama said...

I have to say your doggie picture could get anyone out of a bad mood! Very cute!

CHILDHOOD MAGIC said...

Oh goodness that dog is ridiculously CUTE!

Laura said...

First of all the dog in the hat is so cute! We dress our poor lab up too but in armor(boys you know)

Second it is good to hear that I am not the only yeller out there and other people make their kids cry too. We are human. We are real.

Annie said...

Wow! That's a powerful story. Thank you so much for sharing.

"Those" days... I'm so glad you got through it. Remember that these moments are the ones we teach our children about making it through and making it right.

xx

Carrie said...

I'm so sorry that you had a terrible day - knowing that they are "normal" doesn't make them any easier to cope with.

Thank you for sharing that story - I read it somewhere in one of my husband's Zen Buddhism books, and could never find it again despite my thorough digging. That story pops into my mind so frequently, and my heart raced at reading it again.

Thanks for sharing your whole truth - there is great beauty in your honesty. :)

Peace,
Carrie

Kara said...

oh, those days ... they hurt, don't they? But then, they end and we live and learn and go on. It was brave of you to share. We all have those days, but rarely talk about them (afterall, who wants to dwell on that?)

I hope that now that you have shared, it will be just a bad day in the past, in the future long forgotten.

Best Wishes! Thank you for your blog and ALL that you write and share here.

Redbeet Mama said...

I feel your frustrations, This Mama needs a break too - I feel like I make the family and he just shows up for the happy times - some of the time. Of course he is at work...and works hard - such a hard balance.

Be kind to yourself.
Nicole

Pampered Mom said...

Thank you for the good reminder!

kirschkernzeit said...

I am very gratefull for this honest post; I read your blog again and again and when I start comparing myself with you I am sometimes overwhelmed by the feeling of beeing not good enough in many cases...
But thats not your fault at all!
Thank you for reminding me, that you too are just human- (even though I consider you as superwomen anyway...)
Your blog is such a beautiful place, where I do both be inspired and discouraged.
But be assured: YOU are fabulous and an wonderful mother, no doubt!
Go on like this!
with lots of good wishes
bora from Switzerland

Jennifer said...

I have to say, out of all your amazing and inspiring posts, this one is the best. It is so wonderful to hear that although we do all we can to raise our children in the best possible way, we all have days like this. Crying, yelling, patience running thin...thank you for being human and letting the rest of us know we are not alone!

Naturalearthfarm said...

Yes, we all have days like you blogged about... days where we realize we are human and always have learning and growing to do...
The story you wrote is one of my favorites. There is so much peace to be had in letting go.
Warm wishes,
Tonya

Christine said...

we've all had those days. it leaves you will the worst feeling. isn't it wonderful that tomorrow marks a new day.

renee ~ heirloom seasons said...

Well it seems none of us are able to be perfect. I do think it is important to acknowledge our struggles. Sometimes we can get caught up in the difficult moments, but always we are able to get through it!

Hope you have had a wonderful weekend!

(p.s. finally continued my vegan story, not finished, just another part...)

Nicole Spring said...

I just wanted to say with deep gratitude - Thank you from the bottom of my heart! If you only knew how much your words mean to me. I want to respond to all of you some more but when I have the time to really focus on this.
Thank you <3

Eileen said...

I also have these days. The beautiful thing about life is that we are given every single new moment to start over again.
xoxo

Adele said...

Thank you for your honesty and that story. We have just had a tricky day, and I've come to realize that it is often the few days after our kids are sick that are actually harder than when they are sick... I know you mentioned that you have had some sickness in the house, so I thought I would throw that out there. It doesn't make much sense, but seems to be a trend for us.

Myrnie said...

Thank you for sharing the story of the monks- I'd not heard it before.

Sometimes I think "those" days happen just to remind me how blessed I am on the golden days that come along! Here's a wish for many more golden days for your family :)

tulsileaf said...

I always take it as a given, everyone has some rough days. Sometimes people just use the blogs to highlight the good. But we all know everyone has those days of tantrums (on both parent and child sides of the fence).

I just always remember, tomorrow is another day. Do overs!

kendra said...

thanks for the zen-story, i will think of it often! especially in trying times!

*erin* said...

Thank you for sharing. Your blog is beautiful, your life looks lovely, it is nice to know even you have days like that! It hurts me so deep in my heart when I have bad days, yell, etc., it is helpful to know people I admire have the same struggles! I love that story "a heavy load', thanks for sharing. ((((hugs)))

Marina said...

What a beautiful, moving post, my friend. I am so sorry that you had one of those days and I'm hoping a break comes your way soon. Thanks for sharing that story, I'll be keeping it close for those times I'm still carrying an unnecessary load...

Much love, M

waldorfmama said...

no doubt, we've all been right there at one time or another. it's human nature. and certainly part of motherhood. :) big hugs, my sweet friend! and yes, no need to carry that around. :)

nicola@which name? said...

nicole. oh my. i am just reading this now and i am so sorry you had one of those days. yes, we all had them, yes, i lock myself away to catch my breath too. huge hugs. you are a wonderful mom. and what a wonderful story of the monks. letting go and moving on is difficult!
and it is soooo relevant to what i posted about today.
nicola
http://whichname.blogspot.com

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